If You Are Skinny You Need to Read This

Lisa's Blog
28 Comments

Today was weird.  Like, really odd things happening to me all day.  Just one little strange thing after another.

I had an early morning with plans to run errands in the big city.  It started well.  I needed black shoes and a black shirt for a choir performance this weekend.  The first thing I did was go to several shoe stores in search of the perfect black shoe which I need regardless of choir because my old black shoes wore out so I threw them away in the spring.  This is my way of forcing myself to go on a last minute desperate search.  Fortunately, it didn’t take me long to find a pair that, hopefully, I will enjoy for several years.

But when I said to the salesman, “I like this pair because I can dress it up or down so I don’t have to buy more than one,” he got all huffy.  “Ma’am,” he said, “This is my job and for you to say that affects my salary.”  Uh, I’m sorry.  Is the $100 pair of shoes that I can barely afford not enough for you?  Would you like me to sell a kidney so you have enough money to buy lunch at the food court?

I wanted to just walk away, but it was a really good pair of shoes and as we all know….the shoe always wins in the end.

After being harassed by the underpaid shoe salesman, naturally I was thirsty.  I set out after a soft drink with lots and lots of ice.  I drove through the first place I saw and upon pulling away I took a sip and it tasted really bad.  It was like the balance of carbonated water vs. high fructose corn syrup was off.  By the time I decided I couldn’t drink it, I was too far away to turn back.  So I leaned on my natural gift of being able to locate any Sonic within a 15 mile radius and bought myself another drink.  Diet Dr. Pepper, extra ice.  Believe it or not, this one also tasted weird.  So like any normal person, I began to wonder if I had developed an illness and this was the first sign…not enjoying the taste of soft drinks (or Coke as we call all soft drinks in Texas).

Of course, I immediately became obsessed with my new problem and knew I wouldn’t find peace until I solved the mystery.  I pulled into a mini-mart and went in for the real deal….Diet Dr Pepper in a plastic bottle which will probably give me a worse disease than the imaginary one I was already suffering from, but it had to be done.

The good news is that this Diet DP tasted just fine to me.  So I have determined by my highly scientific experiment that both of the other soda fountains are flawed and my taste buds are still healthy and I probably won’t die of any mouth related illnesses in the next 24 hours..

Now that things were set right, I continued running errands.  I was still on a hunt for a long sleeved black shirt and after several fruitless stops I ended up at my nemesis….TJ Maxx.  I hate shopping there.  Hate it.  But it was my last option, so I forged ahead.  I was determined to get in and out of there as quickly as possible.  I shot straight for the “women’s” section, rummaged through the disorganized rack and carried the only long sleeve, plus-sized, black shirt in the store to the dressing room.

I have to stop here and ask…am I the only one that is disturbed by a guy working in the women’s dressing room?  You can call me old and out-dated, but I don’t like it.  I want a woman, or at least an uninterested 17 year old girl that would rather be texting her boyfriend than noticing you standing there waiting.

As I was telling the fellow that I only had one item I noticed a lady standing behind me and staring at me like she had something to say.  I made eye contact (thinking back I can see this was a mistake) and she said to me, “You’re so lucky that you are plus-sized.  I really like that shirt but they don’t have it in my size.”

On the outside I just smiled at her sweetly, but on the inside I was thinking, “Oh no you did NOT just say that.”  I mean seriously, what is it with you skinny people?  Do you have to have everything?  Does it occur to you that we “lucky” plus-sized gals can’t shop at anthropologie…..or wear belts? My body is shaped like a Dr. Seuss character and I have to wear Spanx every day and you think I’m lucky because there is ONE black shirt in the entire world that might possibly fit me?

Wow.  That sounded really bitter.

I’m just glad I was nice to the size 4 lady and showed her the love of Christ.  She doesn’t know any better, poor thing.  She probably hasn’t eaten in a while and couldn’t think clearly.

Oh, and I never did find a black shirt.

Even with the weirdness of the day, I enjoyed it. I got a new pair of shoes, I found out I’m not dying and I had a skinny person envy me.  These things are so rare that I’m counting it as excellent.  Who needs boring old normal?

28 Comments

  1. Lisa…can I just laugh for awhile? I’m not the skinny or plus-sized girl, so I guess I’d totally lose this one! Ha, ha!! My first thought to your shopping for a long-sleeved, black shirt was “really? Isn’t it 110 degrees there, the middle of the summer, and hot? Who could find such an item?”

    Becky B.
    http://www.organizingmadefun.com
    Organizing Made Fun

  2. Becky, laugh all you want. It’s funny. And yes, I assume that’s why there are no long sleeved shirts anywhere. But I am supposed to wear one this weekend for a choir performance and I don’t have anything in my closet but sweaters….which it’s too hot to wear! Lisa~

  3. Lisa, I am surely not skinny (except in my dreams), & let’s just the plus size I am, has more than one plus, but I just had to read this. As usual, you hit my funny bone. I wish I had a long-sleeved black blouse you could borrow, but even if I did, you’d have to do some major resizing to a smaller size. LOL! Thanks for the laughs. 🙂

  4. As always, your writing makes me smile. I truly enjoyed my virtual shopping trip with you and am amazed right along with you by what the shoe store clerk (and the lady in TJ Maxx) said. Those are the kinds of things you just shake your head at . . . and then laugh hysterically at later on.

  5. Well you could look at it this way: your skirt didn’t fall off any of those places (although the shoe clerk clearly needs to be mooned)

  6. Oh WOW! Words can not express the array of feelings I have right now. I laughed, I cried, okay well I didn’t cry but I thought about it, no, no I didn’t. LOL!
    But YAY, on finding a good pair of black shoes. At least you don’t have a size 10.5 foot. They don’t stock size 10.5 shoes. I have to order mine online and I can’t try them online now can I? Now who’s sounding bitter? LOL!

    Have a fabulous day!

  7. Somewhat similar to my recent experience meeting a new neighbor and having her mother ask me if I am pregnant, which I am not. Really??? You would think we’ve come far enough along in civilization to realize that you don’t EVER ask a woman that question until she is holding the newborn in her arms! I just laughed, patted my stomach and made some inane comment, while inside turning several shades of red from embarassment. I guess some people just open their mouths and let fly with whatever comes to mind.

  9. You are very funny, I love that you find humor in everything. I myself find no humor in any dressing room lately, especially if I shop with any of my 4 size 0-4 daughters!
    xo Susan

  10. I don’t even know how to comment on this story!!!!

    1. So glad your Dr. Pepper taste buds are working correctly.
    2. Yes, men should not be handling the ladies dressing room. A thousand reasons why, but most of all-its just not proper. There, MamaHen said it so it is so.
    3. The skinny girl-I absolutely have no words.

  11. Um, the skinny girl comment sounds like something I said last time we went clothes shopping together 😛 Maybe that’s why we haven’t done that in awhile?!? LOL!

    Seriously, girl, shopping for long-sleeve black ANYTHING in AUGUST in TEXAS is certifiable. Borrow something. Or dye something you already have. Or spray paint your arms black. Or stand in the back and hide behind everyone else 😀 Hope the a/c is cranked up REALLY high, lol.

    Love ya!

  12. Oh my goodness….so many responses are running through my head.

    Liz: I hear ya sista!

    Becky: Yes! Laugh or cry right? That shoe clerk was really the only thing all day that was just flat out rude. Everything else was pretty funny. Even the TJ Maxx lady…I really think she thought it would be a compliment.

    Celia: A almost spit out my drink. Hilarious. Thanks for adding mooning to my list of possibilities for punishing people when they are rude to me.

    Kim: 10.5 shoe? Wowsa! So you know exactly how I felt.

    Kristi: Unbelievable. A few years ago I had an older lady (that I kinda knew) ask me when I was due but I wasn’t pregnant. I just looked at her with that school teacher down the nose face and said, “You know better than to do that now, don’t you?” I couldn’t help it. Like you said, had she learned nothing in her previous 60 years of life?

    Susan: Same here. My girls are sizes 2-8 and it is annoying. LOL!

    MamaHen: Thank you for the declaration. It must now be spread throughout the retail world, especially TJ Maxx and Old Navy.

    Lisa: Yes, you have made similar statements to me before which is why you are so lucky that I love you so much. As you can see from previous comments, if you do it again I shall be forced to moon you. But the suggestions you made about the black shirt are so fantastic that they make up for any skinny girls comments you have ever made.

    Thank you all for making my morning wonderful! Lisa~

  14. Dear Erma,

    When you started with the “hunt for long sleeve” (or whatever you said exactly), I blurted, “ENH! Never find it.” I like CREW neck, LONG sleeve T-shirts, too, the sleeves of which I cut off and hem at three-quarter. Where I’ve found all mine– every one– was thrift stores. Columbus, Ohio, for example, has racks and racks. They may have Sonics all along I-70 (from St. Louis on). Google it, honey, so you’re covered.

    But the Size 4 comment was just that: a size 4.

    *really*

    But

  17. Oh My Goodness!!! You just made my day !!!! 🙂 …. REALLY…. YOU DID!! I am laughing so hard…. one: I wear spanx under all capris or slacks when I go to leave the house…. because of lumps and bumps and thighs that were never there before I turned 50…. something!!!! I toooooo… would rather a woman …or a silly teen age girl.. barely able to put her phone down long enough to let me in the dressing room… than a man any day of the week!!!!! I’m with ya Lisa 🙂 and the lady behind you…. well…. Your Christianity was shining !!! Anyways, YOU just brought the joy of laughter into my little world today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Blessings, Terri

  18. You know, this should be the beginning of a major revolt. I’m sick of lycra. There. I said it. I think it’s the goal of clothiers to add it into their fabrics simply to cut clothing much smaller, save fabric, and say that’s it’s a size 10-12 when in fact it’s stretched size is actually a negative 15. And another thing: the cap sleeves that try to sell as short sleeved. Seriously? There’s hardly any fabric beyond the shoulder seam to turn under and hem for crying in the night. Can we just say that 3/4 length sleeve, being the most flattering any way and on any figure, is The Standard? I mean, we’re the shoppers. So we’re supposed to have the power, right? I know. I sound like I didn’t get enough sleep last night, or caffeine this morning. You’re right, too.

  19. I’m just saying…..Jay Leno is still waiting for your call…..I know he will put you to work immediately. You may be packing your bags headed to CA by the time of your next post…….poor James…..what will he do without you?????.

  22. Oh preach it sister! THAT post made my day. I have been Plus Size, Skinny Size and every where in between. Thanks for sharing that. <3

  24. You know sometimes we married-with-kids are accused of making equally ridiculous remarks to our single friends. Just saying….

    I did have to laugh at your post, though. Too funny what people say.

  25. Oh. My. Word. What a hilarious day!! The envious size 4 lady was certainly the icing on the cake.

    I’m here on the recommendation of Karen {simply amusing designs} and I must say, in the words of Arnold, I’ll be back! But I mean it in a good way. 🙂

  28. This made me laugh so hard! That was definitely a weird day. (and I too hate it when the balance of carbonated soda and high fructose corn syrup is off…*LOL*)

    Melissa~

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