Why Do Things Have to Change?
It’s been a week of change. James and I stepped down from being President of our local homeschool group, Adam got his palatal expander off, we made the decision to get rid of our goats and the biggest news of all…I dyed my hair.
I finally, after much thought and mulling and tossing and turning, decided to get rid of the gray. I’ve never dyed it before so it was a hard decision. I’ve been mulling it for years. I got up the nerve. I wanted to save money and do it myself. So I called my sister. She does her own and I think it looks good so she should be able to talk me through. She gave me a whole bunch of tips and ideas and off I went….to buy my first hair dye.
On Wednesday night at 9:00 I locked myself in my bathroom and did it. I read the instructions, rubbed it in, waited the required amount of time, rinsed it out and looked in the mirror. Staring, not sure what to think. Why, I thought, do I look like a mix between a goth and a blue-haired-old-lady? I blew it dry and studied it again. Nope, it’s still bad. Really bad. My stomach started to turn. I ran to the computer and sent my sister a Facebook message….”IT’S TOO DARK!!!!! HELP!!!” If there was a way to type louder I would have. I was panicked.
I washed it twice more during the night. I’d wake up, go look in the mirror, hold back tears and take another shower. I was dreading showing it to James, who hates when I mess with my hair. I had not run this idea past him first. I wanted to surprise him with a young hottie for a wife….stop laughing.
I got up at 7 and decided to rip that Bandaid off, walk over to his office and show him. He was very nice about it. Possibly the distraught look on my face buffered his reaction. He’d look it over, think for a minute and look some more, think again. We talked about how dark it was and what might be the problem and finally decided that the real problem was that the color was wrong for me (I just wanted my normal color, nothing bright or different). It was very dark, but the main issue was that it made me look pale and washed out. Really, really washed out.
I explained to him that I needed to go back to the big city and get my stylist to fix it. I might be dumb, but I knew enough to stop from trying to fix it myself. It would cost, it would be a pain since that meant leaving the house and not getting my work done for the day, but it was a life or death situation. I could look like walking death, or James could hand over the money and stay alive.
The decision was solidified when I walked back into the house from James’ office and five of the kids asked me if I was ill. Then Noah said to me, “Mommy, I hate to tell you, but you look really pale.” Grace was the only one that noticed the hair color change. Everyone else just assumed I was sick. We all agreed that I couldn’t walk around looking like that, so off I went on a wing and a prayer. I took Hope with me for moral support.
My stylist (I like calling her that, it makes me feel glamorous, an illusion that is quickly dying at this point) fussed at me and made me feel like I was in the principal’s office for about two minutes then she patted me on my blackish head and told me she would make it all OK.
An hour and a half later I walked out looking better. She added highlights, which helped the color and we made a plan for how to let this mess grow out and work into a better color and basically pay her lots and lots of money. I’m on a path of no return. Everything we have will now be split between my stylist and the children’s orthodontist.
I can’t show you a picture because it is only 7:00 in the morning and I have a strict policy of not taking my picture before 10AM. My gray hair wasn’t the only issue with my looks. It takes me hours to shake off the puffiness and dark circles under my eyes. Suffice it to say you wouldn’t really notice a big change if I showed you. I look the same, but with less money.
Now that I have joined the masses of women that have their hair professionally colored, I am wondering something. How often does this need to be done? Should I prepare my family for the process, or just disappear every 6 weeks or so and come back looking fresher? Does this mean we have to have the dreaded money talk again so we can add “hair color” into the budget? What is the possibility that at the end of this I will look like Lucille Ball or Wynona Judd?
You’d think I would learn from these things, but I don’t. Next month I will be in another pickle and James will look at me like Ricky looked at Lucy and give me the look that says, “Lisa…..you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do.”
You are so very adorable!!! Bless your heart! Hair is important!! So if it needs a line in the budget spread sheet, then I’m sure your CPA will approve it. 🙂 I had to give up on mine years ago. My dad started going gray when he was 16 so I knew it would come early for me. Oh well, at least I have a friendly face . . . hahahahaha! Will look forward to seeing pictures. I’m sure it’s is absolutely lovely.
Oh, Lisa! I know JUSt how you feel. My hair is very dark, but not black. I started graying at 28, and any color I chose would be too red or too black. Ugh. I knew I wasn’t kidding anyone, and made the decision to let it go about 5 years ago. (I’m 40.) You know what? I love it! I still have plenty of dark, but tons of salt sprinkled in, and most people ask me where I get my hair highlighted. Even my stylist has asked me if I’ve gone somewhere to get my color woven in! You are on a path, that’s for sure. Once you start, it’s hard to stop!
Welcome to ‘our club’. The club of ‘what color?’, ‘what, roots so soon?’, ‘is this really worth it?’, ‘you gotta be kidding me, I still look old…’ and a thousand new thoughts that come with changing our appearance. Love ya!
Your biggest mistake will come from trying to cover up your gray-test sin. Coverups never work. See Prov.28:13
I bet you look beautiful as always!!!
Big Hugs,
🙂 Heather
Thanks for making me laugh this morning- it doeth god like a medicine! But I completely understand the hair conundrum. I keep trying to figure my percentage of gray to brown and then what is the magic point when I will make “the plunge” and get my hair “done”. I am so afraid of starting something that I will never be able to stop!
But for now- enjoy the new color!
To anyone reading the comments, I was only kidding Lisa in my first comment.
A pun on her previous day’s tweet.
I love Lisa very much and also dye my hair, so no judgment form me 🙂
HUGS to all!
Oh my goodness, this was hilarious and the perfect confirmation that I needed to keep growing in my gray. I do not miss all that mess.
In my humble opinion, a hairstylist who attempts to get more of your business by making you feel dumb and therefore dependent on her, is not worth her salt. Why pay all that money to be made to feel like an idiot?
See!? I knew there was a reason I’m putting off coloring the grays. LOL! Oh this made me laugh. I’m sorry but it’s what would probably happen to me if I attempt this. So far my grays are not taking over my head and so I’m okay. But when they start multiplying like rabbits I know my day will come and I’m sure there will have to be a post about it as well.
I can’t wait to see it though. You need a before and after picture side by side. You know, just for “fun”. 🙂
Thanks for a good laugh this afternoon! It reminded me of the time I let my sister cut my long hair short within a week of giving birth (NOT a good idea- I cried and cried and my sister felt horrible!). 🙂
Oh dear Lisa! I am not laughing AT you, I’m laughing NEXT TO you 😉
About 3 days before my wedding almost 11 years ago, I decided I wanted to take my waist-length hair back to my childhood blonde. At home. By myself. As I washed out the stinky dye in the shower I peeked into my daddy’s shaving mirror and saw Cyndi Lauper staring back at me. I prayed. Hard. I promised that if the Lord would just not let me look like an idiot for my wedding I would NEVER do this again. Well, it wasn’t nearly so bad once it dried (although my hairdresser aunt laughed at me a little behind my back) so I have never done it again. I have been tempted. I have wanted to go a little more red, like I was when I met my fella, but I haven’t done it. And in the end I am always glad I made that desperate promise
to God in the shower three days before my wedding.
I realize that He doesn’t actually work that way, but I think it’s safest for everyone involved if I just keep the colors off my head. So the six silvers sticking out of the top of my head are there to stay. Unless my husband pulls them out in my sleep. I wouldn’t put it past him 🙂
Lisa,
To answer your question, if you do choose to keep this up you could reasonably wait 6 weeks between visits. While I don’t have any gray hair currently my mother has visited her ‘stylist’ for years to manage her’s. She does it not only for the color, but because the chemical and colors used actually make her gray hair more manageable. I don’t know the why, but her gray hairs are coarser and tend to respond less to product and heat. She didn’t go the all-over-color route that you did, but has very subtle high-lights put in. This has given her a more natural look which include gray, natural hair color and high-lights that warm up her face AND help with the texture of her hair. Some things to ponder : )
Seriously, you have 15 gray hairs and you’re complaining! Oh to go back to the day of only having 15. . . . . . . I wish I knew then what I know now. Growing out the color when you have 50-75% gray is torture. Trust me, I know!
And the every six week coloring will become every two to three as you get more gray. It’s a merry-go-round I hated being on. But I was on it for a solid 13 years.
For what it’s worth, I totally understand the desire to color your hair. And I don’t blame you one bit. Here’s hoping next time gives you greater results!
You all are the BEST! Between the funny stories, the advice and the sympathy I am covered. 🙂
Ginger, I am sorry I gave the impression that my stylish was being rude or selfish. She was actually great about it and the one sideways look she gave me made me feel dumb only because I felt like an idiot already. She in no way tried to make more money off of me. In fact, she tried to show Hope how to do it so we could do it ourselves next time. I just didn’t think we could do it, but you all have nearly convinced me that I can (but not any time soon!).
Thanks! Lisa~
Oh you have no idea how good this post made me feel! I really needed a good laugh as a friend of ours passed away yesterday leaving behind his wife and their three children. Thankfully he is now at home with our Lord and Savior and no longer suffering from leukemia.
NOw on to hair… 🙂 I have to admit that I color my hair but it is an off and on relationship. I got my first silver hairs at 18, but at 46 the back of my hair is still a deeper brown with silver highlighting the front. But something happened over the past few years… the dark brown got darker making me look pale. So now I pay my stylist (a good friend of ours) and go in about every 2 to 3 months (she doesn’t recommend I wait that long but she does such a great job it is hard to see the roots growing out!) Have fun!!
I recently did a little dye job on my hair, it turned out fine, but the funny thing was that I had some left over and we thought it would be fun to put on Hubby’s head- he is completely grey and is starting to get very white at the front. It didn’t work hardly at all he just now has a browny/yellow tinge on top of some of the grey that you only see if you really look hard.
Next time call me! My stylists (over the years) have taught me tricks and even accused me of going elsewhere since I do such a good job ;0)
I really don’t color – just highlights in the summer (which hides the 3 grays I have in the front) and then in the fall I do a color over the highlights to welcome winter :0) I’ve NEVER done permanent color – I don’t want to travel down that never-ending road.
Oh no! You got rid of the goats. No really, oh no about your hair. You know the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I was starting to feel sorry for myself and notice way too many grays in the mirror. It had been 7 months since I had a haircut so I took a few times on one of the few days my husband was home and /// went to the Aveda school /// to let them dye my hair. I wanted the same as you. Same color, no gray but came out with some horrid dark hair with a neon red aurora floating above my hair. I wasn’t willing to pay to have it fixed so I took matters in to my own hands while it was still fresh. I did some googling, washed it 7-8 times, gave myself a hot olive oil treatment for 45 minutes and washed 3 more times. I could not believe how much color came out after the oil and by using my husband’s almost toxic AXE shampoo. It was still a little dark but the red aurora was gone 🙂 3 weeks later and I’m pretty happy with it but wouldn’t you know some pesky gray hairs are starting to sprout out!! I had been dye free for several years … wish I would have stayed that way 🙁
Ahhh-every woman will be there at some point=).
I felt like I had really accomplished something by making it to age 40 before coloring.
I have always done my own, ya know I’m adoption poor. Always used L’oreal creme in the pink box. It is always’ too dark for about 3 days, but then–perfect. I just plan to be home for a few days=). I don’t know if the L’oreal is that great, or if it is my hair, but (I think) it looks good, and there are highlights too.
Mine gets done 1x month, but my hair grows incredibly fast.
The same thing happened to me. I came out of the shower with black hair! YIKES! I am very pale too. I rode it out and my hair lightened. I too was one who was going to gray gracefully. Then I got highlights (yuck). Then I dyed it to get rid of the highlights. When that started to grow out it was like “were did all of these grays come from”. I ended up getting low lights and love the results. Can’t wait to see a photo of the new you!
Oh dear…that is tough. I tried to go a shade lighter this year to help disguise the grey and my hair turned red. I decided I would rather go grey. We will see if I stick to it.
That is a lot of change. I think I would miss the goats if I were you (I love goats we raised them when I was a kid) but I can understand why.
I was born a redhead and will never dye my graying hair. {Aunt Sherry, 70, said, “We redheads gray chicken yellow.”} My weekly-changing highlights both suit the lovely 50 year-old I “feel” and my skin tone. Although those dudes have a mind of their own, I welcome the some-silvery, some-blond streaks among the 29 different shades of carrot on my top.
If I ever wanted to dye my hair, though, I’d talk to Hot Lips about it first… who would promptly (if not sooner) talk me out of it.
To one gorgeous Texan silver fox I recently boasted of the “gray hair I’m getting.” In her 60s, young husbands walk up to this gal to say, “I hope my wife’s hair looks like yours when she’s your age.” Her head’s covered in snowiest white– a real looker!
But after glancing up that day at my pitiful attempt at chicken yellow, she almost burst out laughing. “Darlin’,” she drawled, “if that’s the best yew can dew, I’d give it up nayow.”
Lisa
I think this “moment” of grey-nonacceptance comes to every woman at some point and most go through the same circus you experienced…I know I did.
I gave up on the “home” coloring when I realized that the color only lasts a few washes. The professional stuff must be made of pomegranate or something stronger because it never seems to fade (especially when you want it to). I too did the “too dark – highlight to make better” process…however, be careful with the highlighting because those strands don’t seem to hold color ever again so you end up with stair step levels of color (as it grows out)…unless you have a short style and can get it cut out.
As I read your post, I was reminded that I too need to throw gobs of money at my beautician so she can clean up the color mess that my hair has become. Top layer with white hairs sticking straight up, mid layer a shade darker than the bottom layer which was highlighted and comes back blonder every time it fades…no wonder I spend 5 minutes in the mirror each morning! 🙂 Isn’t being a girl fun?
I am 35 and I would be almost completely gray if I did not color my hair. We absolutely cannot afford professional color. I HAD to find the right stuff and after about two years of terrible results I found something I LOVE! (Last week an older woman at church fluffed my hair and said “Oh honey, it must be so nice to still have your natural color!”)
L’OREAL Excellence Creme. It’s in a pink box. It costs about $8.00. I have found $2.00 off manufacturer’s coupon for it – imagine paying $6.00 to have your hair colored and loving it!
From your pic at the top of your blog, it looks like we have the same hair color, so I will tell you the color I use – #5 Medium Brown, NATURAL. (Light brown, natural also looks fine but it fades much too fast for me.) Stick with the NATURAL shades and these will not leave you with a weird cast to your hair. It lasts about 6wks. I even color my eyebrows! The directions say not to – just don’t get it in your eyes or you’ll go blind! I use an old clean mascara brush and I paint it on my eye brows for ten minutes. (A hairstylish at an Aveda salon gave me that tip.)
One more thing – I can’t do it myself. I make my mother-in-law her favorite dinner every 6wks and she comes to my house and does it for me.
Blessings! Hope this helps. I have been in your exact situation and I’m feelin your pain!
welllllll….you know there is a solution you didn’t think of….you could just shave it off and start all over like I did!! haha….and THEN your husband will say “wow, I didn’t realize your hair was so dark” when he’s really saying….”what you’re not really a red-head after all these years??” You know, when you shave it off, it grows back different….surprise! I have to admit that I’ve been coloring my hair off and on since high school and continuously for the last 20 years every two months. So I didn’t really know what color it was either….again, SURPRISE!!