My Top Ten Child Training Tips
All of these lessons are things we are still working on every day. I speak not from a perfect home, but from a place where we make God’s Word our measure of rule. We are all flawed, but if we humble ourselves and seek His guidance, training our children can be a joyful, fulfilling experience.
1. Pray
God will give you wisdom and insight into what your child needs. Often times He will give you creative ideas that will hit the nail right on the head and help your child conquer a struggle.
Phil 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
2. Be Consistent
If you do not follow through on what you say every time then you are teaching your child that you cannot be trusted. It is vital that they know that you are being honest when you teach them.
Luke 16:10 “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”
3. Remember the Goal
Your main goal is to teach your children to love the Lord and glorify Him. Make an effort to see beyond the moment and imagine your little boy as a man. Who will he become and how can you help him get there?
Hebrews 12: 5-6 “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those He loves and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son.”
4. You Are in Charge
Remember, you are the adult and you have wisdom and knowledge that a child does not have. If you allow them to manipulate you and convince you that they know better, you are doing them no favors. You are not perfect, but God has given you wisdom and your child needs to learn to trust that.
Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”
5. Choose Your Battles
This is one of the tips I have learned from experience. You cannot make a child eat, sleep, potty and speak. So I am careful not to use these as my training moments. It is best to teach them to obey you by telling them to stay in a chair or put away their cup. You can, if necessary, guide them in doing those things by taking their hand and leading them through the process. They cannot win. Once they have learned that you will follow through and you have their trust, then you can tell them to swallow their food or say thank you and they know they must obey. If they are stubborn in these areas, your only choice is to set up consequences for disobedience ( i.e. if they won’t eat their food they get no dessert).
6. Be Prepared
Raising a child well is hard work. There will be times when you are ill, or very busy or tired and you won’t be able to follow through completely. If you are in that place (which shouldn’t be often) then be careful about what you instruct your child to do. If you are sick in bed, then let the day rest with a video or coloring books. If you are busily cooking dinner, have your child stay quietly close by instead of off in another room where you can’t pay attention. If you will be on the phone for an hour, prepare your child beforehand to do something quietly. Be careful, however, about over using movies and video games. These can lead to the destruction of your child’s character.
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
7. Know Your Child
Spend time listening to your child. Find joy in their dreams and goals. If you know their hearts and love them in the ways of the Lord, then you will know if you are doing anything that hurts them. This is especially important as they get older and are more aware of their feelings. The teen years are so difficult emotionally. You must know their heart so that you will know when it is time to begin to let them make some of their own decisions and let them fall.
Also, some children have a harder time with discipline. If you understand their struggles, you will have an easier time guiding them.
Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
8. Love
You should never use anger, frustration or self-seeking to control your child. Your direction and their obedience should be a direct result of the love you have for one another. As parents it is easy to fall into our own needs and get angry when those needs aren’t met. (“I need 20 minutes to make dinner without burning it, is that too much to ask?!”) Keep in mind that you are showing the love of the Father to your children. Be patient. Be kind.
I Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
9. No Arguing
There is no time when arguing is acceptable. If you tell your child to do something, they should do it. If you say, “No, you may not buy a candy bar,” then they should accept that completely. Older children can appeal respectfully, as long as it is not too often. But begging, whining, complaining, moping, mumbling are all unacceptable. No exceptions.
Proverbs 1: 8-9 “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.”
10. Do the Work at Home
Don’t train for the first time when you are out. Expecting a child to be still in church requires hours of training at home. A trip to the grocery store is pleasant and fruitful when your child already knows how to behave. A restaurant is not the place to teach a little one to be still and quiet. Work on these things at home, at the dinner table, in the car. Set up trial runs and teach them what you expect. One of our daughters had an especially hard time being still and quiet during church, so we sat with her every night in our laps while we talked. That way we could stop and instruct her and even let her cry without disturbing others. It wasn’t long before she was a happy toddler all through the sermon.
Deuteronomy 11: 18-19 “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
I am working on part 2 of this list…..”Child Training Tips Numbers 11-20″. I don’t want to bore you with so many ideas, but personally I am always uplifted by knowing that there are others out there who are raising their children in a godly way. My goal is to encourage you!
Just wanted to thank you for this post. I do feel like I have a good handle on parenting with my 3 kiddos, but my littlest guy has hit the independent two-year-old streak and I’ve recently found myself discouraged with the sheer exhaustion that has come along with keeping up with his stubborn antics. I spent yesterday cleaning a whole bottle of honey off the kitchen floor, rewashing a load of towels he tossed in the bathtub, fixing a broken screen door he kicked through, and rescuing my daughter’s favorite toy from the toilet… 3 times, and that was all before we even left for church in the morning. I needed the reminder that prayer, consistency, and lots of love will see us through these days. Thanks for the encouragement!
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Love these guidelines! I need to read this every day. Thank you for taking the time to post it!
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Thank you for these wonderful words. They are so helpful, it is great to know that I am not doing everything wrong 🙂 I love the scripture I know most of these but seeing them in this context reminds me of God’s continued love for me and what I am going through. Blessings for you and your family,
Becky
This is a wonderful, wonderful list!
I love the positive and loving, but firm approach you seem to take.
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Just found your blog and am just now going through it! Thank you so much for posting this! And I completely agree with the previous comment, your approach to this makes it wonderful to read!
~Flor
Lisa, thank you so much for these principles. I am drinking them in. Perhaps I will print them out and paste them on my forehead for the day. I have a 4-year old who I am SURE will be a lawyer. He argues and tries to persuade me on EVERYTHING. Sometimes, at the end of a long day, I get worn down. But you are reminding me that I need to stay strong and steer his precious God-given personality in the direction of unconditional obedience. I tell him about 5 times a day: “…because God made Mommy in charge, buddy, not you….”. “Oh,” he says. “Because I’m only 4, right?”
Thank you, Lisa.
Ginny
This is such good, practical advice. Even with (only!) four children, sometimes parenting advice doesn’t take into account the fact that I’m just so busy. I get bogged down with the “can’t I just have 20 minutes to make dinner” attitude, or the days when I can’t follow through well. I need to be deliberate and diligent about guiding their hearts, preparing for busy times in advance!
I have a question on begging/discipline. My oldest is 3 years old and has started into throwing a small tantrum when I tell her she can’t have something by yelling “but I want it.” Over and over. We have never given in and I usually give her the option of stopping or going to time out. Then I explain that when Mommy says no she’s to respond with a yes, Mommy.
Any other thoughts/ways I could handle this?
Thank you for taking time to share the valuable wisdom that only the Lord and time provides! 🙂
Can’t wait to hear the next one! Thank you!
This is great advice. I need to read this often as a reminder. Looking forward to 11-20. 🙂
Great list & reminders for me today! Love the one about trainjng them by sitting in your lap…my middle girl needed that I think, so thanks so much! God bless you & your family!
thank you, thank you, thank you!!! awesome info.!!!
These are things I’ve just learned, too bad I didn’t know them 8 yrs ago when child #1 was born! Thanks for posting!!!
Amazing list and wonderful advice! Many of these reflect my thoughts and desires, but #10 stuck with me. It’s driven me insane that my youngest of three (he’s 2 years old) won’t sit on my lap for any given period of time unless we’re watching a movie or playing a game. This was a great reminder that I need to give him opportunities to practice at home! I let him freely wander around during night time stories, but realize now that I need to start training him to sit still. My older two did…just because the kids are too many to pile onto my lap, that doesn’t mean he should be any less guided! Thanks again.
i so need this list as I have felt like a complete failure lately. my husband is deployed right now and this parenting alone is hard work. sometimes i just stare at my children in the heat of the moment, at my wits end because I have know idea how to handle it. Any advice for those moments when you need immediate action but have no idea what consequence fits the crime. my patience level right now if almost empty.
I so love your list. As a mother of three teenage girls, someone who has had a home based daycare for over 15 years (usually 11 in our house most days) and a professional organizer, your list is so bang on. Kids can do amazing things when we allow them to do so! Love the article about your family on the Organizing Made Fun blog.
Many God continue to bless you and your family.
I made my way to your blog from Beneath My Heart, and I’m so incredibly glad I found it. I have two little ones (Reagan is 21 mo and Winston is 6 mo). I’ve read every parenting book under the sun to prepare myself for the burst of learning that’s about to happen with Reagan. She’s a great little girl and listens well, but the terrible twos are still ahead of us. I’m grateful to have found your training tips, but more importantly, I’m happy to see you paired them with scripture. I’m a Catholic that’s never had an interest in religion simply because the things at church never seemed to apply to my life and I always felt like they were asking for money (and all those scandals doesn’t help either – I recently found out the 81 year old president of our Catholic high school who has been in his administrative position for 20 years and is a brother as well as priest, was just caught viewing pornography on his personal computer at the high school.) Your scripture has shown me that it can apply to my life in very real way. I hope to be able to find a church in the Houston area that can do this for me as I’d like my children to grow up with a solid moral background. I’d like them to find peace in Church unlike I did as a child. Maybe a scripture group will be on the horizons too. Thanks again for your post!
PLEASE finish this when you get the time <3 We have an arguer. He thinks he can charm, argue, and manipulate you out of your pants. We have never allowed it. But he still tries…and he still throws tantrums when we don't give in (which is every time). Other than us being consistent to never give in, never explain, and making time to listen to him when its appropriate…what do we do. He's almost 5. Am I expecting too much to think he shouldn't still be doing this? I mean if I say "Nope. That's not on my list. Please put it away." I get "Wellll, how about…." "What if???" "I never…" "you never…" and eventually he is overcome with emotion and throws a baby fit!
Found this one posted to Pinterest! Such a fabulous list of reminders and scripture. Your point on Love hits home in a big way. It never crossed my mind that I was focussing on my needs vs loving my children! I’m posting this list so that I can read/pray through it and stay on point with my kids. Thank You!
I do so enjoy reading your posts. Thank you Lisa.
Thanks for the tips. They are so encouraging and I especially love the scripture you quoted. I love finding Godly advice from ladies who have ‘been there’.
This is wonderful! Thank you! Am I missing part 2?
Oh hello, I am so happy to read these tips! I only have 2, but I am constantly conflicted about disciplining my 2.5 yr old son, & knowing that a mom of 9 is so successful at it makes me really take your advice seriously. I do want to read the rest of the tips. Thank you! Yes, raising Godly children is the goal… now, if I can have The Lord burn these tips into hubby’s heart & mind too, we really will be rocking & rolling!
This was an excellent article. I have a very energetic and challenging 3-year-old son, and I feel, these days, that I hear so little advice that is biblical and says that obedience is something to be expected. Thank you for the truth and the encouragement.
“It is the kindness and mercy of the Lord that leads to repentance.” Not the requirement of first-time, unquestioning obedience. Many figures in the Bible disobeyed God, and then returned to Him – to say that’s a standard you hold your children to is kind of terrifying. God accepted *ADULTS* after they’d directly disobeyed Him, what makes parents think they deserve better than God? – See more at: http://www.itakejoy.com/first-time-obedience-really-another-view-into-the-process/#sthash.A0KcM5Ip.dpuf
When I get comments like this I always wonder, did this person even read what I wrote?! What part of this post is terrifying? Is it where I wrote about being honest with your child? Or listening carefully so you know what they love and care about? That they can appeal respectfully? I never even hint that I would not accept my child for their flaws, in fact I mention that I have plenty of flaws myself.
Th Bible is clear that God does require first time obedience and when we fail He forgives us. That is the same principle by which we raise our children.
It is ridiculous to suggest that I would believe parents think they deserve better than God.
i am really blessed and tpouched by these Tips. Tip No 9 got my eyes opened to another profitable style of training a child.
thank you so much.
Number 9 is actually something I’m working on. In the past my first response to any ?? was “no” which taught the kids to re-ask.
I love #5. God doesn’t take issue with us every single time we mess up. We need to give mercy and grace and choose when it’s time to make it an issue or battle. Thanks for this great advice.
good article.. thanks thepenningtonpoint
nice article, the point of love is awesome
Lisa,
I love this post so much, will be returning to read it frequently. Although my children are raised, I’m still learning and I still seek to know how to parent in a Godly way. I’ll be a mom until the day the Lord takes me home, but I am also a grandmother (praise God) and those little souls will need training too. Although I know their parents will be the primary providers for training, the blessings can only multiply when the grandparents are living by those standards too.