More on Tattling

Since I wrote about tattling I have had quite a few emails and questions.  Then last week I followed a thread about tattling on Facebook.  A friend asked on her wall, “What do you do about tattling?”

Most of the responses amounted to, “I just tell them that unless there’s blood I don’t want to hear it.”

God is our example of a father.  He would not tell us to go away and figure it out for ourselves.  He wants us to come to Him with our troubles.  He certainly doesn’t fix our problems and He will tell us to change our attitude.  But He never turns us away.

His Word is clear, God cares about the condition of our heart.  We, as parents, are to guide our children in understanding what is happening in their heart.

Most of the time when a mom asks me about tattling, it only takes a second to see that the problem isn’t tattling, but their child’s attitude toward their sibling.  You’ve got to spend a lot of time teaching your children what it means to love another person.  Sacrifice, selflessness, concern, gentleness….we are not born understanding these things.

When Johnny comes and says, “Susie took a toy away from me,” what is Johnny’s motivation?  Does he want to get Susie in trouble?  Does he have a problem with sharing?  Does he love Susie enough to sacrifice for her?  Don’t even mention Susie in your response.  Just talk with him about his attitude toward his sister and his toys.  Give him Bible verses to back up the lesson.

If you follow our family’s tattling plan, then Johnny would tell Susie to go tell Mom she took the toy.  Susie would come to talk with you about it.  You could deal with her heart issue, you could call Johnny in and deal with his heart issue.  You helped them through their own, private struggles and no one tattled on anyone else.

Even if your children are small, you must be working on their heart toward their siblings.  The Bible is full of instruction for how we are to treat a brother.  Start teaching your children this from the beginning.

Romans 14:19 “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

1 Peter 1:22 “Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart”

If your children are tattling, I encourage you to be willing to listen.  Use that as an opportunity to see what is in your child’s heart and deal with it.  Identify the core problem, stop and take the time to teach them to love one another more than themselves.