Getting Kids to Bed

I have had several emails in response to my comment in my last child training post, “If Johnny won’t go to bed peacefully, then you must take the time to teach him.”

How does one go about teaching a small child to go to bed without trouble?

Here are a few thoughts I have:

1.  The foundation you have built is key.  If you have not been consistent lately, then getting Johnny to go to bed when he is told and stay there will be more difficult.  If you have decided that it is time he learn to stay in bed, then you should spend a few days beforehand building the foundation.  Follow through in everything you tell him.  If you say “sit down” then make sure he does it.

Carefully choose a few battles you can win.  One of my main “tricks” is to make sure you can win.  You can not make a child swallow food, poop/pee, speak, sleep.  But you can make them pick up a toy, sit still, help you with a chore, etc.  So find a few things to do together that will help you teach your child to do what you say every time.  Then say, “Johnny, sit down in that chair for five minutes while Mommy washes the dishes.”  Then be sure the chair is within your line of sight.  If he fusses, deal with it immediately.  If he starts to get down, put him right back on his bottom.  Do not let him get down.  Teach him to do what you say. Do things like this for several days before you start the training to stay in his bed.

2.  Be consistent.  If you tell him to do anything…ANYTHING…then you must make sure he does it.  If he doesn’t thank you for his cookie and you tell him to…then you take the cookie and remind him to say thank you.  If he has a fit about it, then you need to work a little on teaching him to do what you say.  The absolute best way to do this is being consistent every time.

There are two keys to this not becoming exhausting.  The first is to be consistent all of the time and they will get the message and stop trying you as often.  The second is to be careful in what you tell them.  If you are too tired or busy to follow through, then don’t tell them to do something.  Whatever you say, be prepared to follow through.

3.  Be sure he’s good and tired the first couple of days of bed time training.  Keep the same bedtime that you want to always have, but do some activities during the day that wears him out.

4.  Now you’re ready to train. Tell him it’s bedtime.  Decide beforehand what routine you want.  Will you read a story?  Will you get a drink of water?  Whatever it is, you decide and then stick to it.  One story, one drink, one kiss, that’s it.  Lights out.  Don’t let him manipulate you into thinking he needs anything else.  You know what is best for them.  That is part of the lesson he is learning.

Then you go out the door and leave it cracked.  You sit there outside the door until he falls asleep.  If he moves, shuffles, cries, gets up….you are right on it.  “No, Mommy told you to go to bed and that’s what you are going to do.  Good night.  I love you,”  and you are back to door duty.

Spanking is a personal, family decision.  We do spank for outright rebellion or heading into danger.  If a child is screaming in their bed and having a fit about having to do what they are told, I would spank.  But if you don’t then you must still be very firm and decisive.

This could last a few night, but more than likely two is all you need.

This will pay off in your child’s life.  They learn to trust you.  They learn that they don’t know what’s best for them….a lesson we all need to keep learning, even as adults.

Try this and the whole family will get a good night’s sleep.