Do You Struggle in a New Group?

So for the past few months we have been visiting a new church.  Also, I attend a lot of conferences and events where I don’t know anyone.  This is not easy for us introverts.  We have a very hard time starting up conversations and approaching people…even people we know.

I have gotten better at it with practice, but these situations can still feel like a bad dream.  You know the ones….where you’re naked and no one notices.  That pretty much sums up how I feel when I am in a crowd, no matter what size it is I feel exposed and a little uncomfortable.

And it can be even harder when you feel like no one wants to talk to you.  I had one conference experience that was just awful (you can read about it HERE) and my good friend Connie talks HERE about her similar experience (and she is an extreme extrovert y’all!).

I have developed a few tricks to help myself get through when I am overwhelmed in a group of people.  But first I want to share some things we can all do to help the introverts of the world feel more comfortable.

If you are established in a group, like church or a women’s group, look around for loners.  If someone is sitting alone go over and say hello to them.  Make it your goal to show them that you are really glad they are there.  Step out of your own comfort zone and tell them hello!

Once you have done that….follow up.  Send them a friend request on Facebook or ask for their email so you can send them a note during the week.  Knowing someone is thinking of you goes a long way toward feeling loved.

And here are some tips for the introverts reading this….

1. Remember that more than half the people in the world are introverts, so it’s not easy for them either!  Maybe the people you are wanting to meet are even more uncomfortable than you are when it comes to approaching others.

2. Try talking to ONE person.  I know it’s hard, but when I make it my goal to talk to only one new person then I can treat it like a checklist and just do it.  Even if the person I choose isn’t receptive, I did my part.

3. They don’t know you are an introvert!  Why not try to pretend you are comfortable with stepping up and talking to new people?  I have done this many times and I promise, it’s not as hard as I expect.

4. Smile.  Make eye contact.  This will let people know that you are approachable.  I wonder if sometimes I send the unintentional message through my body language that I am not interested in being approached.

5. Don’t blame others.  Even though it would be super nice if they would come talk to you, it’s not really their fault that you haven’t met them.  You, despite being slightly terrified, are capable of going up and introducing yourself.

6. Pray before you go.  Every time I am on my way to a meeting or conference where I will be around a lot of new people, I spend a time praying for courage and praising the Lord.  I do that because it always helps me to remember that no matter what anyone else thinks I am loved beyond my wildest imagination and He values me!!!

7. Forgive them.  Let’s face it, people will be rude sometimes and can seem like they don’t care about you.  If you’re in a new situation that is probably not even the case…they are more likely either shy or oblivious.  But it can still hurt your feelings and it’s so important to forgive them!  In the words of Elsa, let it go!

Last month when I was at a Young Living retreat, a friend sent me a message that her friend was there too and was having trouble meeting people.  Boy did I understand that!  So despite not being very outgoing, I sent the gal a FB message and told her I was hoping to meet her and where I was at the moment.  We met and she was delightful!  After that, because I didn’t want her to feel alone again, I continued to message her my location so she would know that if she needed a friend I wanted her to know where I was.

Wouldn’t it be nice if all of us did that for one person?!  We just might change the world!

As for our new church, we are still working on getting to know people.  It isn’t easy.  The people there seem to be really kind to one another and loving and I enjoy “people watching” as we sit in our spot.  But so far we really have not been approached or had anyone try to make much of a connection with us.  It could be tempting to think “Forget it.  I’ll go somewhere else!”  But I have to admit if I am being honest that I really haven’t tried as hard as I could.  Maybe the current members there should do the reaching out, but they don’t, so I may have to do more of it for myself.  And if we do land there and decide to join then I could decide to make a change and start treating newcomers the way I would have liked to have been treated.  (honestly, I mean no disrespect to the church we are visiting and we really do like it there…..I only say this to show how hard it is for everyone everywhere!)

Let’s work together to make other people feel welcome and wanted!

Do you struggle when you are in a group?  Do you have any tips that help you get past that?  Or what do you do to make other people feel wanted?

Be sure to follow me on Facebook!