Never Trust a Cow that Jumps a Fence

Our weekend was spent visiting with family and trying to stay dry.  Basically we got more rain over the past 3 days than we have in the last 2 years.  Our farm looked like a flood zone.

One thing I love about life in the country is the constant change.  One day you’re a happy farmer with a cow grazing in the field.  The next day you’re a crazy woman wading through mud in your good shoes chasing a cow down the street.

We discovered he (yes he, but we still call it a cow) was jumping over the fence.  We noticed him out on the street wandering around mooing like he owned the world.  Not a care, not a worry.  Then we saw him jump back in.  Not good.

We have a large pen on the back of our property where we used to keep our billy goat, so we decided to put the cow in there until we figured out what else to do.  Have you ever tried to coax a cow into a small opening?  Right.  It wasn’t going to happen.

Jacob and Noah tried various tricks, in the pouring rain, to get him go in.  But every time they would get close to the pen the cow would bolt, leaving my poor, wet boys to figure out another plan.

Since James was gone for the day, I decided to go out and help.  At one point we were trying to discreetly tie the cow (Jacob had managed to get a rope on him) to a post he was standing near.  Noah and I were hanging onto the rope when he decided to run.  It was a split second after Jacob got it tied to the post, so the cow couldn’t go far, but Noah and I found ourselves in a muddy heap.  Fortunately we were not hurt, but we both made a firm decision after that not to join the rodeo.

Then I got an idea.  We could chain the cow to the tractor.  I would lead him with the rope and every time he moved Jacob would move the tractor a little more toward the pen.  We kept the chain shorter than my rope so he couldn’t get to me.  (To be clear, we weren’t pulling him with the tractor, he was just anchored to that so he couldn’t run off as I pulled him with a rope) It took an hour and a half to move him about 50 yards, but we did it.  And he was so hungry by the time we got there that he went fairly willingly into the pen where there was a delicious pile of dry hay waiting for him.

But here was the problem.  In order to get him in the pen and get the chain off of him I had to lead him in with the rope.  That left me inside the pen with the cow, who was now between me and the gate.  Not a good position to be in.  He was happily eating while Jacob and I weighed our options.  I could try to scale the 5.5′ high fence.  Not.  We decided to tie him with the rope (which was still around his neck) to a post so he couldn’t get to me as I slipped past him.

Now, picture me in my long skirt trying to go slowly past a hay eating cow.  No sudden movements.  I almost made it.  I was right near him when he gave me a quick BUTT in my behind.  He couldn’t do much being tied to the post, but he managed to get my skirt hooked on his small horns and there I stood, with a bull up under my dress.

I moved as quickly as I could, feeling sorry for Jacob’s full view of my panties as I made my quick escape.  I was willing to let the skirt rip, but thankfully it slipped off of the horns.  I leapt out the gate and I was free.

Lisa – 1

Cow – 0

Jacob – scarred for life

I can now check “getting butted by a bull” off my bucket list.

And being a rodeo clown.

And playing in the mud with my boys.

My hands were the cleanest place on my body.

Life on a farm isn’t easy.  But the truth is, while it wasn’t easy, we had a great time and made some funny memories.