Embracing Modesty, No. 9
Thanks a million to all of you that have responded to our modesty series! The girls and I have been blown away by the response.
I have gotten many emails with questions from moms of teens that are struggling with dressing modestly. Teens wants to dress like their friends or what’s in style for their age. It sure can be hard, we know! So I thought I’d ask my 4 girls some questions and share their answers with you.
Grace (23), Hope (19), Faith (17) and Patience (16) are sharing some of their thoughts for you today. (I promise this is exactly what they said with no input from me!)
1. Have you ever really wanted to wear anything that your parents said you couldn’t?
Grace: Certainly! Especially when I was in my teens.
Hope: Oh yes. I will sometimes see things or even try them on but I’d know I wouldn’t be allowed to wear them. Knowing the reasons my parents have for making that choice has always helped me decide to not want to wear those things.
Faith: Definitely yes. If I put an outfit together and my parents tell me it’s immodest, I will ask what it is about the outfit that they think is immodest instead of just reluctantly going to change my clothes. If I can understand their reasons it helps me not want to wear that because I don’t want to sacrifice modesty to look cute.
2. What do you do when your parents tell you something is immodest but you don’t agree?
Grace: Well, we already know the boundaries so I am never really surprised when they tell me something I am wearing is immodest. I don’t usually disagree, but sometimes I don’t realize something is tight or immodest until they point it out. I’m always glad to know. I especially like it when my dad or brothers tell me because I know they see things in a different way and I don’t want to wear anything that wouldn’t honor the men around me.
Hope: If my parents tell me that something is immodest but I think it’s fine it helps to remember the verses in Scripture that say to honor your parents. While I’m in their home I need to respect their principles and ideals because they are the parents God gave me and He knows who I am going to be and what I need.
Faith: When that happens but I still think it’s fine I need to accept that I have a lot to learn in that area and they know more about it than I do. I put my whole heart into trying to understand it and if I still can’t then I accept that I may not understand right now but be willing to do it anyway.
Patience: I am learning that it is far more important to obey your parents than to wear a top that you like.
3. What are some of your tips for making something immodest become modest?
Grace: I always have tank tops and leggings in different colors in my drawer. Sometimes I’ll try something on in the dressing room and not realize that the front gaps when I bend or the skirt blows up in the wind. I can always put a tank and leggings under it to fix that problem.
Hope: I love a shrug over tank tops. Also, I will pin tanks at the shoulder seam so they aren’t as low.
Faith: I love to wear a shirt with a really cute sleeve under a strapless dress. It actually enhances the outfit because it makes it completely unique to you!
Patience: I like the really short dresses that are in style right now, so I wear them over a skirt. Also, I love tanks so I will put another shirt under them.
I hope this helps a little. Being a mom of a teen girl these days is surely a challenge! They are being pulled by the world to dress immodestly and look like everyone else. I want to encourage you moms that if your daughter is wearing something that you think is immodest, don’t react immediately. Find something nice about the outfit and compliment it. Then make a suggestion for making it more modest. Ask her why she likes it and try to help her find alternatives that make her feel good about how she looks.
Thanks for following us through this series and feel free to keep asking questions and sharing your thoughts with us!
Check out the rest of this series in our Embracing Modesty Gallery!
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Thanks to you and your beautiful girls. We are but babies in our personal walk, and I do get resistance from my girls (19,17,12) on what I think is immodest vs what they think is immodest. But we are working through it and finding out how we believe the Lord wants us to act, speak,dress, interact with others.How we can let HIS light shine through us. It can be rough starting as late as I have with my girls, and I take full responsibly. I pray for guidance to be a good role model (change is hard,and I want them to know I am not asking them to do something I wont do),and ask the Lord to guide their hearts as well. My faith is steadfast, and I know he will show them in his perfect time. God Bless
Misty, you might want to introduce your girls to this blog: http://freshmodesty.blogspot.nl
It’s written by a cute and spiritually mature 20 year old girl who works a great sense of style into modest clothing. Of course, your family has to figure out for yourselves what your standards are, but I’m thinking it might help your girls to know that a) they’re not alone, and b) one can find joy in dressing modestly.
Oh yeah, camisoles, tanks and leggings are our best friends! 🙂
Great series!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts girls!
Deanna
Thanks for letting your girls share their answers-it was really interesting to read their perspectives and how they were sometimes different but with the same end result!
I would love to know more about how you taught them about modesty and the reasons behind it. My daughter is 8 and I don’t know what to teach her about that is age appropriate. She dresses modestly just because she easily accepts what I allow, but I know the day is fast approaching where she will want to wear different clothing.
Thanks so much!
Mrs. Pennington, this is Michaela,
Even though I’m not a teenager yet, I already know that how I dress matters. I really love all your daughter’s creativity. How they change a skirt that’s too big for them and make it into two skirts and I really love spending time with them. They’re like big sisters to me.
I’m learning how to use hats and scarves and belts for accessories and I like layering my clothes to make different outfits. It’s fun to mix things up and see how I can make an outfit different.
Thank you for writing this series, I like it a lot.
Michaela (age 10 3/4)
Wonderful words as well as photos! Especially like the question, how to make an immodest outfit modest. I appreciate the honesty of you girls! 🙂
Wonderful series! Although our standards when our girl was growing up were perhaps a little different, our daughter was compliant about her outfits being ‘mother approved.’ The most effective persuasion toward modestly, though, was when she and a group of friends visited a water park, and she heard firsthand the comments by the young men in the group as they walked around. She was convinced! I think girls have to trust their parents’ judgment, as your girls do so beautifully, until they get a glimpse into the male brain, lol.
Have I mentioned yet that I love this series?=) I thought the best part of this post was your last paragraph. The idea of pointing out what you like about an (immodest) outfit, and then giving ideas for how to make it more modest. This is so practical, and not confrontational. It legitimizes their sense of personal style and taste, but also encourages thinking along the right lines-i.e. modesty. I hope I remember these tips when my 2 little girls get a bit older. Right now I can dictate their modesty, but you’ve grabbed the heart. And that is the goal. Thanks, Lisa, so much for this wonderful series!