A Good Church is Hard to Find
Some of you have noticed that I don’t talk about going to church on Sunday mornings. In fact, when I do talk about Sunday mornings it’s usually to tell you about some home/DIY project I’m working on. Not church.
When James and I were first married we had many late night conversations about church. The traditional American version of church didn’t reflect what we saw in Scripture. For a while we attended a home-style church where the focus was on small groups and relationships. It was a good fit for us, but then the Lord moved us to another city and we went on a new search. For years we tried various churches and never found any group that seemed interested in real, deep relationships. We believed in the family staying together and not separating into age segregated groups, the parents teaching their own children and men being the leaders. We felt it was important to stress more than just salvation from the pulpit….we wanted discipleship and growth. It just wasn’t happening.
Finally, we started meeting in homes with a few other families. This was difficult because none of us had ever actually seen that model. Families would come and go until after a while it was just our family. We’d worship together and talk about the Lord. But we were lonely.
Then we moved again to where we live now. After about a year we found a homechurch in the big city, an hour away. We attended there for a couple of years and met many wonderful people, but the drive was too much and the teaching began to veer from what we could agree with. We tried hosting church again in our home, families would come and go. It was nice to have that deeper kind of fellowship, but still the families were coming long distances and it was difficult to build close relationships and really be there for each other in a time of need.
That is when we decided to focus on building a small group of families that were geographically close. We invited some families over and we began to meet once a week. Because each of the other families were tied into a local church, we met on Wednesday evenings. It was really nice. We would talk and share and sing together. We helped each other and supported each other and prayed together for our community. Because we met on Wednesdays and on Sunday mornings Jacob works at a local church, we started having our family worship time on Saturday mornings instead.
We met together with that group for several years and still they are our closest friends in the community. But as things go, we all have now drifted in different directions and don’t meet together regularly anymore. So we are in prayer about asking some other families to join us.
We also work really hard to keep up fellowship with other believers. We attend conferences and events where our kids can meet up with friends, we have people in our home often, we make trips to visit friends that we have these kinds of relationships with.
We have a strong local support group of friends that, while we all attend different churches, we offer each other support, encouragement and accountability.
It isn’t perfect, but it is where God has us right now.
When it comes to church, I don’t have an ideal. There is no way to have the perfect situation because people are imperfect. To us, that’s the beauty of church relationships. It isn’t intended to be a place you go sit once a week in your same, comfortable spot and drop your offering in the plate as it passes. It is meant to be a place of relationships where we work through our problems, love one another, tell each other the truth, learn to appreciate our differences and use our gifts.
And to be clear, we have nothing against the classic, steepled church building with a pastor and a choir. It’s what is happening inside of those walls that we are concerned about. Are there real, honest relationships? Do the people really know each other at all? Does the leadership call out sin? Are the youth expected to commit to purity and respect?
I hope this answers some of your questions about what we do for church.
Do you attend a church and, if so, how does it fit what you believe the Bible says church should be?
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We, too, keep our kiddos with us as a matter of choice. We are so thankful that our pastor does call out sin (in fact, got my tail feathers a little singed this past Sunday in a good way) and challenges us weekly. We’ve been attending here since we got married and love that our pastor and his wife consider us some of their “kids”. The time may be coming, though, when we have to find somewhere else because of the drive, but we’ll be praying about it. The drive may end up being worth it.
Jamie, I am so glad you have a place to go that you love! Singed tail feathers are my favorite thing about a good church! 🙂 Lisa~
I can relate to your post. We have felt frustrated trying to find those deep close relationships at church and we have not found them. Then add to that my husband is often out of town during the week and we don’t understand the need to separate our entire family for Sunday mornings. We are often told that we have child care. I am also a former sex offender therapist and I want safety measures to be taken for the safety of my children. I don’t hear the answers that I need to hear. So we have chosen to stay home on Sundays. We also long for those close relationships but we just were not finding it in the church buildings. We have tried to be the change that needs to happen however, right now is not the season for us to be the leaders.
Angela, it is so hard. I am always careful about where I leave my children. I guess I never thought about it for church since I wasn’t going to leave my kids in the segregated groups anyway.
It would sure be difficult to be leaders if your husband works out of town often. I’ll be praying for you to find some church relationships. Lisa~
Thank you so much for the encouragement. Right now we are in the season of being home. There will be a time when we are more involved. As for leaving my children in groups at church or anywhere I am extremely careful about where they go and with whom. I don’t really want to leave them at church but oftentimes we are told “You know we have childcare” statements that make me feel like it is a big ol’ hint.
Lisa,
When my kids were much younger, I sought out home churches as well. I had a difficult time finding one, but eventually located a very small one that had one other family with children and an older couple. We really liked it (the kids and I – my husband doesn’t attend church), but like your experiences, all the families were spread apart in distance and eventually it dissolved. We moved to another state where I couldn’t find any home church. I began visiting traditional churches again and finally settled into one with my family, where my husband is very comfortable when he comes. It’s far from perfect and not what I’d hoped for for my family, but God has used this church in our life. I am one of the children’s church teachers and really feel like God wants me in that role and I learn a lot as I teach the children, plus it’s been a way for me to be involved in my son’s class. Though our church has seen its share of problems in the 6 years we’ve been there, I’ve really committed to not jump ship and seek out another church, because…they are our part of the family of God and you don’t run away from family over every little squabble and disagreement. Will God ever take us somewhere else? Perhaps, but for now I believe he wants us where we are. There’s certainly no perfect church on earth and if there was, it would become imperfect as soon as I enter the door!
Blessings,
Angie
Oh Angie I just LOVE knowing your story! Thanks so much for sharing. I love the point you made about not just jumping ship. Lisa~
I love this post. I too have issues with what is being presented today as church. I go to a very small Baptist church which is basically comprised of 6 families. We have peopel coming and go, but most people just drift away because we are not your feel good, entertainment driven church. It makes me so sad that that is what is posing a church today.
Donna, great point! I like to be entertained too and I love good music, but it doesn’t have to be such a big focus. Thanks for mentioning that! Lisa~
So funny that you wrote about this! I did just a couple days ago, as we are trying to find a new church. I loved what you wrote. So often I feel like what is in the church is never what we really want. I would prefer a home church, but now I see the difficulties of that. My husband on the other hand would absolutely hate a home church. So we compromise and finding a church is hard! Anyways, I loved what you wrote and it actually gave me some things to think about!! Have a great rest of your week!
Leila, I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time. Several of you have mentioned that you look for something different than your husband. That would make it even harder to find a place. I’m glad it’s being mentioned here in the comments because it is a big part of the search for a church. Thanks! Lisa~
I think there are two (or maybe three) important factions to consider when looking for a church home. 1) God commands us to not forsake the Sabbath. If we hold to His commandments then we should hold to all of them and the fourth, which God spent the most time on, is to “honor the Sabbath day and keep it holy.” We can’t pick the commandments that we’re ok with and disregard the rest. All Christians would hold to all of the commandments but think lightly or disregard the fourth. 2) We’re commanded to not forsake the assembly of believers. You, and others, are blessed when we commune together as brethen. Heaven will be one very long church service, where we worship Christ! 3) You’re never going to find a perfect church. The church is filled with redeemed sinners who may behave badly, cold, and indifferent from time to time. Looking for a place where sin is absent will be futile. (That’s not to excuse gross sin from the leaders or congregation, that should be rooted out.) Our ultimate fulfillment and joy in attending church should be Christ and Him alone. Human relationships, which are a blessing to us, are simply the icing on the cake. If you find a place with sound, Biblical preaching then focus on that point and pray about the relationship aspect. I’ll be praying that you find a good church home soon…No doubt God will richly bless your efforts!!
I agree, Kim, a place with sound Biblical preaching and beliefs is the most important thing about choosing a church for me. Although I don’t have much choice since my husband is the pastor, but I think he’s pretty Biblical 😉
Lisa, I appreciate what you’re saying, because there is a struggle for deep meaningful relationships within a church body, even as the pastor’s wife who goes to and is involved in everything!
At the same time, I think I also have to be careful not to get into the mindset of “what can the church do for me?” or “how does it make me feel?” but instead to focus on the fact that I am worshipping my Savior while meeting together as Scripture calls me to do, even in an imperfect environment. I’m realizing that there truly is no ideal church, as others have mentioned. Praying that you find fellowship with a congregation that worships the Lord “in spirit and in truth”, even if it isn’t “perfect” 🙂
Great thoughts Kim. Did you interpret my post as me saying we are disregarding some of the commandments? I’m not asking in defense. Just wanting to understand.
I’m going to address some of your points in a separate comment, but I want to say thanks for taking the time to leave such a well thought out comment. 🙂 Lisa~
Lisa,
Sigh…why is this such a difficult thing? I have been where you are. We struggled for years to find a place and finally settled in a church that had good teaching but they were in a really different place than we were when it came to family being together in church etc…It was only when our older girls started to ask to stay home – because no one talked to them or noticed them – that my husband saw that we needed to make a change. Our friend’s church had changed into a family integrated church and we started to attend. We loved it right away and while we have a few, wee differences in the area of doctrine, it has grown and continued to be a great place to worship. Our families travel from all over so we spend all day Sunday together, it is such a blessing. I have found it to be not perfect, of course, but a place that we care for each other and encourage one another. The men meet together Sunday afternoons, and the young people have their own Bible study. They started it on their own and keep it going.
I wish you lived closer as you would really love our fellowship. It’s sweet. I will pray that God will grant your family the kind of fellowship of believer’s that we enjoy.
I totally get the decision you have made – I’ve told my husband that if this church ever closes I am done with church. Thanks for sharing your heart.
Thanks Deanna! I’m so glad you have found a place to worship and fellowship! Lisa~
Your post is fascinating, because it is so different than my own experience. I have been attending my church for 9 years and have watched it grow from 200 people to over 1500 people on a Sunday morning. My church recently moved to a larger property and I have had my own concerns, but I ultimately I believe that God is calling us to be a part of the change. As to your questions. A few weeks ago I loved that my Pastor called out people for going to see Magic Mike and explained why that movie and stuff like it is so harmful to marriages. For my children, I have learned that I need to be the one sharing the Bible with my kids. I don’t mind not having them in church with me. I am thankful to be a part of an amazing community of families in my church. We all support each other even though we are not in the same small group anymore. I may not know everyone in my church, but I have support and deep connections. Also, Daniel and I lead Financial Peace University to get to know other people.
Amanda, it is fascinating to hear other people’s experiences. I love hearing that your pastor speaks out. You don’t hear that happening much these days! Lisa~
Hey Lisa,
I discovered your blog a few months back and I really appreciate and am inspired by all of the advice and thoughts you post. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or otherwise referred to as the Mormon Church. I love that no matter where I live, I can always find a church close by and that the beliefs and teachings are the same. We believe first and foremost that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and our Savior. I love that there is so much love and support among the members and that whenever my family is in need that the members rally around to help us, helping to move, bringing meals, babysitting, and on and on. I am so blessed that I have a place to go each week where I can feel the spirit of the Lord and a renewed desire to draw closer to Him and increase my faith. I think you said it well when you stated, “It is meant to be a place of relationships where we work through our problems, love one another, tell each other the truth, learn to appreciate our differences and use our gifts.”
-Kathryn
http://www.mormon.org
Thanks for sharing Kathryn. I’m glad you have a place that blesses you! Lisa~
Kathryn, thanks so much for commenting. As I was reading all of the comments I was hoping to find a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as I am a Mormon too =) Everything you said is so true. I also wanted to address the questions that Lisa posed at the end of her post: I have participated in around 8 different Mormon congregations in my life (due to moving around the country) and in each one I have definitely experienced honest, real relationships, where people truly want to get to know you, love you, and serve you. Of course everyone was different and some people were warmer than others. But our church emphasizes living the Gospel and Christ’s teachings, including being actively engaged in personal repentance and service of others. Our general leadership most definitely will call out sin. And the youth are expected to commit to purity and respect, very much so. For the youth especially, we heavily emphasize dressing modestly, speaking respectfully, and abstinence before marriage, among other things. And looking back, I am SO GLAD to have grown up with those standards. Also, the organization and practices of our church are very much Bible oriented. We even have 12 apostles =) Not trying to bombard you with too much info, but I truly love my Church and my Savior, and am so grateful that I have been blessed to be in the place where I am. Lisa I am also very glad I found your blog, as it is inspiring as well as creative. Keep up the fabulous work!
We attended a church here and there for the first year we were married, and finally settled on a church where most of the family attended. We called it a “default” church. We tried to become involved and looked for friendships that met in small groups outside the walls and other than Sunday. It just never happened, and it was devastating for me because I moved here from a church that really fed me and I was quite involved in. Just over a year ago we stopped attending. Not one person has contacted us to find out if we’re alright. ‘Nuf said right there.
Celia, I am sorry you’ve had to go through that. I think it’s an experience many of us can relate with. Thanks for sharing! Lisa~
You would love my church because I would be your pastor’s wife!! 🙂
Cyndi, I know I love you….so that’s enough for me! 🙂 Lisa~
I want to be sure to say that I am not trying to teach about church. My goal was just to share our experiences since I get a lot of questions about that. But I do want to reply to some of the points raised here.
Also, I hope I don’t sound defensive because I am not in the least! I’m just sharing my own thoughts. I love a good, honest discussion as long as it is in the spirit of love and kindness, which everyone has been so far!
James and I do not believe that Sabbath and church are synonymous. We are not forsaking the assembling of believers, we just don’t see in Scripture that is must be done on Sunday morning in a building with pews and a pulpit. Also, we believe that the Sabbath rest was fulfilled by Jesus’ work on the cross, so it’s not choosing which laws to follow. Many of them were fulfilled and don’t need to be followed anymore.
What we see in the Scriptures is that we are the church; we do not attend the church. We aren’t looking for any kind of fulfillment or perfection or to have it do anything for us. We are looking for a place where we can bear one another’s burdens and the options we have in our area do not promote that in the way we believe God intended.
This is just our story. Y’all bring up some excellent points and many of you are in a place that you love. I am so glad for you! I’m thankful for what all of you have shared! Lisa~
I love the church my family attends. 🙂 We have been going to it for about two years, and the messages are always straight from God’s Word; Biblically sound. It is less about the building and so much more about the people; we are like a family, and you get the feeling that you are cherished and loved when you walk in. Tough love is administered, you are prayed for, encouraged, and people genuinely care about how you are. It’s taken us a long time to find a church where we are fed, and where we can sow into. I’m glad God led us here. 🙂
I’m so thankful your family found a place to worship and love! Lisa~
Thank you for sharing this Lisa … I have often wondered, but didn’t feel it my place to ask! I am so whipped when we get home from church on Sunday that I get very little done before we head back for the evening service so I wondered at your super-powers! We are so blessed to belong to a small church about a 1/2 hour from our home where the Word is preached boldly, where the Lord is worshiped heartily, where children are welcomed lovingly, where Bibles are getting worn out with constant use, knees are getting a work out, and toes are regularly stepped on with TRUTH! But … it was long long road to get here!
When my hubby and I first married he was a part-time pastor and part time archivist but within a few months he was called to a full time position as a pastor of a small congregation. We moved 5 times and served three small churches for a total of 20 years of ministry until, through God’s working, we moved again – but this time out of ministry and back ‘home’ for my hubby and into history! For the first time in our married life we got to ‘choose’ a church. It was so incredibly hard.
We expected a warm welcome and a Biblical challenge from the church my husband grew up in, but soon discovered that no one needed their Bible there because everything was ‘spoon-fed’ to the congregation. Everyone was well established in their family and friendships and had little interest in reaching out to our little family. We stayed a year and then left. No one noticed. We went to the church my hubby interned at and there again found that we just didn’t fit well. God moved us away from there and we floundered with no where to go. It was such a hard thing to ‘church shop’. My analytical husband did tons of research and looked for the right fit for us. We visited 15 or more churches, giving most the ‘three Sunday try’. We spent hours on our knees asking God for direction and through The Ancient Baptist Journal, the Lord led us to our present church. It’s not perfect – I wish we lived closer so that we could get to know the folks better, but it’s getting to be home and God has blessed us with some very special ‘friendships in the making’. It’s worth the effort because our children are hearing the Word, being challenged to choose purity and follow God’s leading – to be separate from the world we live in, walking circumspectly because the days are evil. It’s the right place for us.
I will pray for the same kind of blessing for your family!
Thanks Heather! Any prayer is appreciated. Lisa~
Hi Lisa,
Great convo! Love the topic. I love all sides of this……..I too, do not think you have to be in a church building, on a Sunday…..to “do church”! That’s how we say it here in this part of Texas…HA! We have a GREAT church we do go too….the teaching (rather than preaching)is amazing and we love it. WE love the fact that our big kiddos (14 and 16) are in the service and WANT to be…..they love to worship and learn. 🙂 OUr little guy goes to his age group and comes home singing the praise songs……and I love it! This works for us, my friend up the street is in a home church, and another friend of mine watched via video stream all summer b/c they wanted to sit and be together as a family……which I LOVE! As long as we are studying the Word, lovin’ our neighbor, and lovin’ our God through our Saviour Jesus…..we are good to go…..no matter WHERE we worship! Learn so much from you Lisa……love your blog!
Niki, I love your joy! And your Texas twang. It all shines right through. Thanks for sharing! Lisa~
Wow, there are a lot of long comments already! My husband and I didn’t attend church for seven years while we moved from place to place. We were solid Christians, but now that we’re back in church, I see how far we’ve fallen because of lack of fellowship.
My husband shares your frustrations. He thinks home churches would be better – more like Acts – and he says it’s too easy to slip by in a regular church without ever being known. But he would never, ever be comfortable attending a home church or a weekday life group. He says those are also superficial – so I’m not sure what his solution is.
In our church, it IS hard to sit in the congregation and never be known, though! Our pastor has an uncanny ability to know his congregation, and he preaches his sermons from scripture right to individuals. He’ll say something and look straight at us, and it feels like having our insides laid out on the table – dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow. Sometimes it really hurts, but it’s so great not to be left wallowing in sin or confusion! He also preaches the gospel every single Sunday, no matter where he is in scripture. So the love and mercy and forgiveness of God is washed over us every Sunday in addition to the “singed tail feathers.”
But I struggle now because – man, do I ever want to make up for lost time! His preaching has left me wanting to eat, sleep, breathe, speak, and obey scripture – not counseling or anything else other than scripture (not that there’s never a time for counseling or topical teaching). I need a mentor or accountability person, but I’m really struggling to connect with women in our church who are wanting to pursue God like this. I’m praying about it, hoping someone will appear, praying I won’t be prejudiced against a good possible mentor. Because, yes, I need more than a Sunday morning sermon.
P.S. Responding to another commenter, I’m extremely picky about who watches our kids. Our church has strict rules about child care and requires training for anyone who works with children, even nursery volunteers. I’ve had our kids in church with us, but they have such a problem with shyness that I’m actually glad they’re willing to go into their own classes now.
Debbie, hugs to you! I think you made the point so well that it isn’t simple. I’m so glad you jumped in and shared your experience. That’s what I wanted to do….just get to know each other better and know more about our real lives! Lisa~
Lisa, I’m glad you wrote this post because I was actually wondering about this very thing.
First, let me say that I completely understand the challenge of finding a good, biblical church these days. My husband is a pastor, but we’ve been “church-less” and in a transitional period for the past three years. During that time, we’ve driven quite a distance to be a part of a church where God is exalted and Scripture upheld. We made a temporary pitstop to the area where my husband’s family lives, visited numerous churches in the area, and have ended up driving 1-1/2 hrs to a good church where we already had some friendships. It’s been a bit more challenging to serve and fellowship, but we’ve done what we could from a distance.
We’re about to move to a new state for my husband to pastor a very small church, one that needs revitalization. This will be a challenge in part because he’s not the type to believe in programming for growth — he’ll be equipping the saints and training up leaders.
Anyhoo, I did have a hitch about one thing in your post, one thing that you clarified in a comment. As believers, we are indeed the church; attending church is not synonymous with being the church. But being the church does mean being a part of the body life of a local church — this is demonstrated throughout the New Testament. Being a part of a formal church not only fits the biblical model, it also provides benefits (and responsibilities) for the membership (I found a brief and probably not exhaustive list here: http://www.9marks.org/blog/membership-has-its-benefits-4-reasons-join-church), not the least of which is accountability.
What are your thoughts? (Feel free to email me if you’d rather communicate that way.)
Suzanne, Thanks for your questions! I love getting to know each other and sharing our thoughts. It helps us grow and challenges us to look again at the Bible, which is always good for us!
I looked at the article you linked to and I just don’t see the connections he is making. Our study of Scripture doesn’t produce any Biblical model of formal church. Where in Scripture do you see that? Maybe we have missed something. The Scriptures he uses to reference a local church membership we believe should apply to the universal church. Not a local body.
Accountability in our lives comes from relationships we have built with others that we have made this commitment with, not the least of which is our family. I can tell you that I have more correction, discipleship, real love and accountability in my life now than I ever had sitting in a pew every Sunday morning listening to a pastor preach from a pulpit.
I’d love to know more about how you have concluded that formal church as we see it today is modeled anywhere in Scripture. (please read this as friendly discussion and not defensiveness….this is the problem with writing and not seeing each other’s faces and hearing the tones.)
Thanks! Lisa~
Lisa, thank you for your very thoughtful and gracious response. I think the issue of church membership should be considered very carefully, both by churches and by individual Christians. Over the years, we have been part of churches which have kept the doors of membership wide open, allowing many to join who were probably not even believers. On the other hand, I’ve seen far too many folks attend a church for years without ever pursuing membership… or opportunities to serve.
I agree that many of the verses included in the link I previously provided could apply to the universal church (all believers). Yet, we can also find ample evidence of church membership throughout the New Testament. Many passages within the epistles, especially, instruct leaders and believers in behavior that can only be effective within a local church body.
I’m not a biblical scholar, but I do strive to be a modern-day Berean. And because, like you, I’m an every day homeschooling mom with laundry to do, meals to cook, and floors to scrub (well, one day…), I’m going to defer to other’s writings:
http://www.gracechurch.org/ministries/Resource.aspx?65 (pdf file)
http://www.9marks.org/journal/church-membership-biblical
It’s quite clear that there were local churches in the New Testament. It’s also quite clear that both the universal church and the local church were young entities at that time. As we study out these passages, a couple of questions come to mind: first, is the instruction in the New Testament toward the universal church, the local church, or both? If it’s only toward the universal church, is the local church obsolete or unnecessary? Or is participation in a local church a matter of personal preference?
So much to ponder…
I really enjoyed reading about your faith/church journey. (Plus I was relieved that you did because I was one of the ones who asked about what you did for church and I was worried I had put my foot in it, as I am prone to do. :-})
I’ve enjoyed reading the other comments too and getting some different perspectives on church life. I was a pastor’s daughter and am now a pastor’s wife, plus I traveled with my family for years doing concerts and services in churches of all shapes and doctrines, so I’ve seen a lot of church.
There’s countless preferences and ways to do the corporate gathering and functioning of the church (“church” meaning people). I figure if what we do glorifies God, builds each other up, trains us to be salt aand light in the world, and effectively spreads the Gospel, we’re doing what God has asked us to. I think it’s so important to not walk our journey of faith alone. God designed us to function best when we walk with others.
Thanks for sharing so openly, Lisa–as always, you have been a blessing!
Deb Mantik
Deb, thanks for your comment. That’s a great point about us all coming from different perspectives. It’s a gathering of people and there will always be flaws for sure! Glorifying God should be all of our first goal. Thanks! Lisa~
Thanks for posting Lisa! Boy, do we know what you mean! I grew up in a church setting called Plymouth Brethren-which was modeled after the early church-we had no paid pastor, the men took turns teaching, and we all sat together from birth to adulthood for the service which largely was centered around breaking bread, or communion. When I graduated from college, I began to attend Francis Chan’s church and was there for 8 or so years along with my husband and children….we have made a few changes in churches since due to moves as well…and we feel the disconect of relationships as we began another move 3 months ago-it’s so hard! I would love a home church with a community of families who really know you and bond together!! 🙂
Like Amber, we attend a church that has its roots in the Plymouth Brethren movement. It is very similar to the format that you have described and are looking for!
My husband had home church for awhile when he was growing up. We are involved with a local church, but we also have “Bible Time” with Daddy twice a week (most of the time). Where we can teach and discuss things with our children that they might not get elsewhere.
I wrote about our church here http://family6-time.blogspot.com/2012/05/being-involved-in-church.html
That’s true Suanna…we have Bible time every night as a family. Sometimes you have to put several options together. Thanks for sharing your post about your experience with us. Lisa~
Lisa, you already know my/our story. We’ve narrowed it down to 2 churches, one of which we should soon choose to have our letter of transfer sent to so we can finally cut the ties and be free. Sounds so wrong, doesn’t it?? But God has allowed. Back in Michigan, we home churched for 10 years. Don’t really want to go back to that again because of the pitfall of not having accountability, the kind of which a humble, godly, Scripture-based pastor should provide. Some families would just come and go and one family even took over! ACK! That caused a nice split and it was ugly. It was done so NOT in the spirit of Matthew 18. And just before we moved down here, we were “absorbed” by another home church made up of a couple of families we’ve known forever. But, it is way too loose and there is no teaching, per se, just whatever the fathers want to share, if they do. We do have a wonderful friend here in the area, who has been properly commissioned to be a pastor; he is ACHING to be asked. In the meantime, we wait and accept the possible reality that being a member of a body of believers, like we thought we were part of for the last 3 years, may just not be in our near future. Pilgrims we willingly remain…
Pam I DO know your story and think of you often. There are definite problems with homechurch, but we haven’t found accountability to be one. We have had more accountability in our home churches than in the larger churches we have attended. But yes, everyone must agree to hear each other’s concerns or it doesn’t work.
Your church split sounds awful. Those things are so difficult to go through and they leave you wounded. I’m so sorry you are having a hard time. I hear ya sister! You’re in my prayers. Lisa~
Hi, Lisa.
I don’t think I have ever written you but have followed your blog for the last few months. I just moved a couple of months ago to a small city in California (from a much larger city in Southern California). Our family’s intention was to come out here so I can work less and be home with my little one more. The only thing holding me back from the move was my home church, which I LOVE so much. It had such an impact on my walk with the Lord, I felt challenged to follow and obey our Lord, to serve Him in whatever capacity I can and to pursue holiness. The women there displayed hospitality and at most gatherings, I would meet someone new and have good fellowship. When I first started attending the church, I was able to go to a weekly Bible study but after I had my daughter, because I worked full time and had obligations at home, I could not gather on a weekly basis (only on Sundays). However, in the Lord’s mercy, one of the women reached out to me after I had my daughter. I call her my big Sister because she has ministered to me in such beautiful ways (and she’s older; wink). Part of the reason we could connect and maintain our relationship after my move is because we have unsaved husbands, little daughters, similar childhood experiences and we both yearn to be sanctified and grow in the knowledge of the Lord’s will. It sounds like that is what most of us are looking for, people to connect to that are on the same pilgrimage and journey. Now that I am looking for a new church, I measure every one against the one I attended. No two churches will be alike, I know that. I think the pastors and leaders/elders have a huge role in setting the tone for how the overall church will function and minister to one another. At least that is what I saw in my old church. Church shopping is not fun! I have found myself being deterred from attending churches because of the lighting/where the choir is placed (petty, I know, but it distracted me!), how worship is conducted (sitting down), how the pastor is dressed, how the attendees are dressed (I’m casual/wear jeans) and the doctrine of course. It can be so discouraging, but like others and you, I will press on and pray for the Lord to direct me to where He wants me to grow and learn and serve others in His name.
Oh Katherine, what a precious experience. Thank you so much for sharing it. And thank you for stepping out and leaving a comment. It means SO much to me! It is difficult to find the place we are supposed to be. We can pray for each other. 🙂 Lisa~
I feel like I have experienced so many different kinds of churches, since I grew up in the church, and with many moves, have been parts of all kinds. My husband also spent some time working in churches. We also hosted a home church in our home. We just recently moved and have been visiting for a couple of months at a church we are really pleased with – our children are welcome in the service; we have already shared meals with other members of the church – so grateful for fellowship!; there are some like-minded people in the church, and definitely a strong motivation to understand and follow God’s Word, even if not popular. I feel like we have been around the “church block” several times, and I have learned to love God’s people so much more, and yet still recognize the importance of realizing the effect of the church on my children and making sure it lines up with the discipleship we have given our children. But how I have learned to love God’s people! And what a joy to worship Him together, formally or informally! Interesting to read so many comments and so many thoughts that we have wrestled with – wanting to be Biblical in the way we conduct church, not just traditional.
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for sharing.
My comment isn’t so much about church itself (I’m as happy with my church as one will ever be in this imperfect world of imperfect people) but more about the Sabbath Day.
Every week I read your posts about your weekend, and truth be told, I feel badly for you because you’re missing out on a Sabbath. It’s not a commandment issue to me but rather a beautiful gift from our Creator. I lead a very busy life, and if I didn’t believe in honoring the Sabbath Day, I’m sure I would have plenty to do every Sunday. But we’ve made a commitment to keep it as the Lord’s Day. That means 24 hours of no work, a more relaxed pace, time to read those edifying books that get less attention all week, church services, Bible quizzes, time for taking a walk and fellowshipping together and singing together. It’s a day we spend with the Lord, recharging physically, mentally and spiritually, and so often I am thankful for His gift of a Sabbath Day!
Thanks Jacqueline! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I am so glad you take that much needed time. Lisa~
Church….wow, such an interesting topic and one that is so very individualized. I started life as a Catholic, joined a cult called the Way Ministry in the 70’s (bad thing, but God led me away and kept me safe)…then I church hopped, watched TV preachers (back in the Jim Baker and Swaggart days)….Never seemed to find the place i was looking for.
Then God tapped me on my shoulder (my way of hearing Him strongly) and led me to scripture that made things easier for me. Our body is the temple of God, and where two or more gather He is with us, so now as a shut in, I am blessed to have the internet which lets me chose from many sermons all over the world, and I’ve found some great teachers/pastors. In that way I do get fed, but I miss the fellowship and if I had it to do over, I would have hopped a little less, settled a little more, and probably have had an easier time of it 🙂
Not really sure I have a point here, just sharing….Lisa I see such spiritual growth in you…I see you boldly stepping out into a world that a lot of us find harsh and dirty, but God tells us to share His word and you my dear are a great example of a good strong Christian woman whether we all agree on political or doctrine really doesn’t matter….He is! Love you <3
Elaine, thanks so much for your encouragement and for sharing your own story (although I can only imagine that you barely scratched the surface here!). You are always a blessing to me! Lisa~
We actually moved here to help friends plant a new church. The last 3 years have been an amazing experience. We meet on Sunday and through out the week in small groups in homes. In the home groups is where we find deeper connections, accountability and bible study. Sundays are all about the lost. Everyone is encouraged to serve. Our pastor is bold in calling out sin and speaks from the bible. He uses stories just as Jesus did in his teachings. Our church motto is Love God, Love People and Start a Spiritual Revolution one Life at a Time. We would not be able to accomplish this if we only met in our homes.
There is no perfect church because there are no perfect people. I feel that’s why there are so many different churches, so we can each find a place that is right for us.
I’ll be praying that you find a church home.
I agree with you whole heartedly . It is not the building you worship in or the people you worship with. It is your personal relationship on a daily basis with God that is important. Been there, done that too many times and now I finally have found the peace and fulfillment I was looking for right here at home with just family and the Holy Trinity…
How do DIY projects on Sunday morning fit in with the commandment to keep the Sabbath holy?
Hearing other’s journeys of faith is interesting! 🙂 We were churchless for a couple years, but God led us to a church that we have been so blessed with. We broadcast the services live, so we have some families who just watch. Then we are blessed to have them attend conferences occasionally.