It Began as a Simple Trip to the Grocery Store

Lisa's Blog
25 Comments

We have been doing our weekly grocery shopping on Monday nights.  Our oldest 2, Grace and Jacob, have a Bible study that night, so 2 of the other girls and I will do the shopping during the study hour.

We usually divide the list to make the shopping go faster.  I do one section and the girls do the other.  Last night I kept noticing that some boys were kind of following the girls down the aisles and staying close by.  I took my cart over near the boys and heard them talking about things they wanted to go say to the girls…just to introduce themselves.

So I went around the next corner and I slightly pushed my cart between them and my girls (long down the aisle and oblivious to the whole thing) and I told the boys, “Move it along boys.  Those girls are not available.”

The boys were shocked for a second, but then recovered quickly, “We just wanted to say hello,” one of them replied.

“Sorry guys.  If you want to get to know those girls you will first have to ask their father.  Then he will ask you about your relationship with the Lord and your thought life and what kind of man you want to be.”

They were stunned speechless.  I stood my ground and they just walked away.

I doubt that anyone ever introduced the idea to these boys that the choices they make now will have meaning for their future.

I will probably never know if my words to those boys had any impact, but I do know that I had moments in my teens when someone challenged me to really think about my choices and it made an enormous impression.  Even still I remember those few peers that really stood for more than their own pleasure and seemed to have an inner joy.

There was one girl that stands out…she wasn’t the prettiest or the smartest or winning any big awards, but she had an inner peace that I never understood.  Of everyone I knew she had a big influence on me because she had a depth of purpose that made her different.  I wish I could thank her and tell her….she probably had no idea.  But she would say things to me like whether or not I got a part in the play wasn’t important, but it was how I lived my life.  Once she told me that her greatest joy was her relationship with her parents.  It shocked me….I just never thought about it.

I pray that my life can be an influence to those around me, and I pray even more that my reach extends beyond my years through my children and their children.

I don’t know why I am thinking about this so much today.  I guess I felt a little sorry for the boys in the grocery store and I hope they heard my heart.  That what they say and what they do will matter.  It matters to them and it matters in the lives of those around them.

Thanks for letting me tell you about it.  🙂

Update: Some of you have been upset at my treatment of these boys.  I am sorry if I wasn’t clear.  These 4 boys were not nice young men that simply wanted to say hi.  They were stalking and being highly inappropriate in what they were saying about my girls and what their intentions were.  If any of my sons had been acting like that I would hope that someone would have said exactly the same thing to them.  In writing you can’t hear my tone, but I was very gentle and caring in the way that I spoke to the boys.  My main goal was not to protect my daughters, but to help these boys learn to treat women better.

25 Comments

  1. That is awesome!

    I hope that they will really give it some thought…hardly anyone thinks along these lines anymore.

  2. You are so right. We seldom know the actions that make a difference and I am so very glad you let those boys know that the future of your daughters (and by implication (the fact that you talked to them) – their future) is very important to you.

    1. Melissa, you hit it right on the head! Those boys’ future IS important to me! I care about them and if that didn’t come across in the post I appreciate you pointing it out. Thanks! Lisa~

  3. I’m sure that God will use that part about “what kind of man you want to be.” He will continue to bring that back to them at pinnacle points in their lives. You blessed them more than they can believe today, and God used you in the very moment He needed to address (like you said) their thought life. Well done!

  4. Dear Lisa,
    You cast a vision for them. May it take root and grow into a sense of purpose that will stir up in them a hunger for holiness. Our daughters’ suitors have come to ask Kregg if they could pursue a relationship with them. It was a foreign concept to them, but they embraced it and honored it because they saw something in our girls worth pursuing. And now we have two precious sons by marriage that we had been praying for since before our girls were born. 🙂

  5. Great job speaking your mind and planting seeds in the lives of those boys! I don’t know that I could/would have been that bold. Reminds me that I need to get on about the business of training my own boys in a more intentional way!

    ~k

  6. Lisa,

    I want to say thank you! Thank you for protecting your girls and thank you being open to the Spirit’s leading in speaking to those boys. A seed has been planted and I pray that it is watered and grows.

  7. Great job standing in the gap for your daughters. Perhaps what you said to those young men will have an impact on their hearts. I pray it will jump start some deep thinking on their parts about where they stand with God and what their character should be like. Who knows how God will use your words to them. I pray He will use it for their good and His glory! If everyone who reads this post will pray for those young men that would be awesome.
    Blessings,
    Missy

    1. Missy, that would be SO awesome! I have been praying for them ever since. Thanks! Lisa~

  9. Will need to file this one away for when my little girl gets big enough for boys to want to “just say hello”!

  10. Lisa, I am just musing out loud here and asking seriously, and I hope you hear my heart as I ask this…..what if the boys had said hi to your girls? And your girls would have had the chance to give the same answer (“Hi, but to pursue me, you have to speak to my dad”)? And hearing it from a peer, a teen, choosing to make that choice…..might that have had as big, or maybe even bigger, an impact on those boys?

    I am truly…curious is not the word, it’s not just idle curiosity…but wondering if you overheard something more in their conversation that you felt you needed to protect your girls from, or, well, just honestly wondering….why step in rather than let your girls handle it?

    Understand I’m thinking this through as mom of only boys, and my oldest is only 14, and I just put him in those boys’ places, trying to work up the nerve to maybe truly just say Hi and how he might feel if a mom intercepted him and stopped him from even saying hi. Unworthy? Chastised? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Guilty, and wondering why? But then, I am also coming at this from putting MY son in that scenario, and knowing his pure heart and nothing but good intentions, even though we do not practice a courtship model, so if you saw/heard something in these particular boys’ comments, that makes (a little more) sense to me.

    I hope you don’t mind my asking. And also — honestly asking this one, too — what would be the proper response for a boy in that situation? “Oh, well, may I have your phone number so I can ask her father??” Or, well, how should a boy respond if confronted in that manner?

    1. Reader, Thanks so much for your great questions! I should have made it more clear. Yes, the tone and what the boys were saying was very inappropriate and they had no interest in just saying “Hi.” They were planning to follow the girls out of the store.

      I wouldn’t care at all if a young man said hello to my daughter. That is a normal, easy friendship.

      As for why I didn’t just let the girls say it instead of my stepping in, these weren’t my older girls. These girls are 14 & 15 and they would have been unprepared for that kind of interchange. If it had been my older daughters I definitely would have just let the girls know that the boys were there and let them deal with it.

      I wouldn’t say anything like that to a boy with pure intentions. Boys and girls can meet and talk and get to be friends and then if the young man decided to approach us more seriously my husband would probably talk with him about it.

      I am sorry if I made it sound like it was a harmless situation. It wasn’t. These boys didn’t want to “just say hi.”

      Thanks! Lisa~

  11. Thank you, Lisa! Re-reading the post with my “morning, I’ve had my coffee” eyes as opposed to my “it’s late and I should have been in bed 10 minutes ago” eyes, it makes a lot more sense even before I get to your sweet reply to me. Thank you for answering my questions, and for the kind way you did intervene in the lives of those boys & the sweet, spot-on protection you offer your girls.

  12. This was wonderful! I will be storing it away to draw on later when my daughter is older. However, it will be good food for thought in regards to our son and how we raise him, in terms of thinking of girls.

  13. Love it! My son is almost 13 and is quite handsome {and homeschooled!}. What bothers me is the behavior of girls…and young ones! They chase and stare at him in stores. I’m so grateful for our homeschooling experience and how it is teaching my boys that girls are friends and not objects to be chased and giggled over. It is my prayer that these healthy relationships will build a foundation for future dating and that they will always treat girls with the utmost respect.

  14. Oh Lisa! What a great way to deal with those boys – you certainly gave them something to think about. Hopefully, it will bear much fruit.

  16. I find the hardest thing being a parent of many is that learning is never predictable, and my part in that is never a routine thing! Simple Shopping, I get that…..! I had a similar thing at Library………

    We do courting, but it is HARD……..but safe! My kids just know dad is the Litmus Test…….we have had boys shaking in their boots with James asking to see/court my oldest daughter! Ahhhhhhh as a person watching these fellas my heart goes out to them but as a mum I am glad for my kids that we all work this stuff through together as a family………my 19 year old prayed for 3 months before approaching a girl to court her. I still was not ready for it! Sigh

    We try to keep it natural, we try not to freak others out who may not have the same standard, we just do it like that! I refuse to alienate people who do not believe it, but they just gotta realise that if they want to see my kids that is the process.

    I think my 17 year old gal is glad for the protection………..now………it confronts every rebellious mould and trend in the world and in my kids. It is not easy. It is not for the faint-hearted……perhaps it is not for everyone. But is sure makes people think! Like those dear boys…….I just love the lads! I believe you have sown a deep seed, they will never forget that LIONESS and her inferred MATE (the daddy lion) in the supermarket!

    The supermarket is what makes me laugh….as a mum we sometimes want it so simple and non-complicated, no heart thumping (mine would have been!!) confrontations in the aisles OF ALL PLACES , but sometimes we just have to do it!

    Cheers from Down Under
    Cathy

    1. Cathy those are great points! Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I know it will be a grand adventure.

      You are so right…dealing with those boys was the last thing on my mind when we hopped in the car and headed to the grocery store. I don’t remember my heart thumping. I think I kind of just went right into mama tiger mode. LOL! But I was actually very friendly and kind to the boys. They responded well actually. I didn’t sense any opposition.

      I’ll bet we all have stories about speaking up when necessary. Thanks so much for your comment. Lisa~

  17. I too, have daughters. My oldest is 20, the next is 16, then we have a 7 yo. No sons. Not being biased or anything(smile), but they are beautiful! We have had a couple of “run-ins” like this also, the worst was with an old man that walked up in McDonalds, and was rubbing his hand on my 20 yo’s back, while talking to me! Of course we had a hissy fit! My husband wasn’t there.
    Do you find that this problem seems worse when your husband isn’t there? I tell him about it, but he’s never had any problems when they are with him.

  19. Oh Lisa you must be way braver than me! EVERY time I confront anyone on ANY thing my heart is pounding…….hmmmmmm must be personality types! I am very non-confrontational……amazing considering we have been in ministry for 20 plus years, plenty of people skills needed in the church, you think I may have honed them by now!!

    My old Bible college lecturer (a dear old man of 70) used to say we need the IRON FIST IN THE VELVET GLOVE………I guess “confronting” is very different when they sense the LOVE! Really you were loving them more…….your girls would have reacted right, the lads needed the God reality and awareness! Bless you lots, thanks for the response 🙂

  20. Lisa,

    You were spot on about talking to those boys. Good for you. Not only did you keep your girls from being inappropriately harassed by these young men, but you’ve given them something important to think about. Hopefully the seed you planted in their minds will take root & help them to make better decisions about the choices they make in their lives.

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