Do Not Compare Yourselves One to Another

Faith Points
26 Comments

Lately I’ve had this thought tumbling around in my mind.  It’s about our children and their accomplishments and the pressure to have a long list to tell everyone about at Christmas parties and family get-togethers.

You know those parents…..”Little Johnny made the A list, is first chair in orchestra, the president of the speech and debate club, he wrote three novels and he started a charity for underprivileged youth in our community.”

Now, don’t get me wrong here…..I want to know what your children are doing and I am happy they are accomplishing great things.  But I won’t have a wonderful list to give you in return.

My kids don’t know Latin or play in orchestras, I have no Eagle Scouts or prized novelists, none of them will ever get a sports scholarship or even go to college!

And you know what?  It doesn’t matter.  We are just fine the way we are.

Our accomplishments are quieter, but just as important.  Our children are learning how to manage a home, their finances, a marriage.  We teach them how to train their own children while they help alongside me in the raising of their siblings.

Let’s be clear in our vision for our children.  Playing the violin is a wonderful gift, but not as important as learning life skills.  It’s an extra, not a primary goal.

So if you see me around town and ask me what my kids are doing, I will tell you that Hope is learning to manage the grocery shopping (including the budget) and Noah is in charge of the backyard maintenance.  It may sound small and insignificant, but watching them grow through these responsibilities has been like watching a flower bloom…..it’s awesome!

If you ask Grace what she’s doing with her life she will tell you, “I’m a stay-at-home daughter.”  She helps her dad in the office several days a week, she works in the kitchen and she fills her days to overflowing with preparations for her life.  She will be an amazing wife and mother.  She will know how to run a small, home business.  She will understand accounting and be able to make her own curtains.  It may not be anything she could write on a resume or repeat to well-intentioned questioning strangers, but it will get her to her goals in life.

Adam may not be on his way to becoming a concert pianist, but he can plink out “Jingle Bells” and even better…he know how to share his toys and be selfless when he plays with his brothers.  What a wonderful gift that will be to him when he is a man needing to work in a difficult environment!

I want to encourage you to let go of the pressure to keep up with what others are doing with their children.  When your over-achieving sister-in-law tells you how her 3 year old speaks several languages and knows how to write computer programs, be released from the pressure to grab your baby and try to teach him sign language in a flash.  When the neighbor stops by with designer cookies that her 8 year old son baked and tells you all about how he grew the family Christmas tree himself, cut it down and then gave it to a homeless man….resist the urge to hide your half naked 5 year old who just spelled his name wrong on the fridge.

You are doing just fine, my friend.  Your children will do great things for God.  Your job is to keep them on the path He designed for them.  If all your son gets done in 2012 is half a grade level of math (but he learned it well) and ways to be kind to his sister….he is on the right path.  That may be just what he needs to become the man God created him to be.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”  Jeremiah 29:11

note: I am NOT criticizing activities or accomplishments that you have achieved with your family, not at ALL!  The point is to be yourself….not compare yourself to others.  Maybe your child is supposed to learn Latin for his future….then go for it!

 

26 Comments

  2. When we were kids, I was always the over-achiever, straight A honors student, etc. My younger brother always griped that teachers found out he was my sister and then they expected him to be smart. In the end, though, I made a train wreck of my life in my late teens and early twenties while my brother just did what he needed to and honored and obeyed our parents. After I rebelled and left home, my parents put everything into having a real relationship with him and teaching him how to be a mature and responsible young man. He has grown into a wonderful husband and father and has worked at the same job years. I may have had all the achievements, but in the end it was he who really succeeded in all the ways that truly matter.
    I’m now a new creation in Christ, and my life has been totally transformed by God’s grace, and I’m quite content with my role as wife, mother, and homemaker. It doesn’t matter what my SAT score was 20 years ago, what matters is that I am training up children in the wisdom and admonition of the Lord. I wish I would have understood this years ago.
    Thank you for this wonderful post.

  3. Jessica, thank you SO much for sharing the other side of this problem! Your testimony speaks louder than anything I could have said! Bless your sweet heart (that’s what we say here in Texas). Lisa~

  5. I’m curious about your statement that none of your children will ever go to college. Why is that ? if it’s not too rude of me to ask? Thank you.

  8. Pam & Julie, we don’t plan to send the kids to college. It’s another one of those things that isn’t for everyone (even though society thinks otherwise). We consider each child and their goals for their future and decide what they need to accomplish those goals. Of course goals change and they will drift while they figure out a career, but you can usually find a better way than spending thousands of dollars and sending your kids off to godless institutions to get them to their desired career. Our girls have no interests in doing anything that requires college anyway and the boys will be individual decisions, but none will involve actually leaving home to go anywhere. They can get degrees from home (like Jacob is doing now) or they may choose to do something that doesn’t require college at all.

    I hope that answers your question. I am happy to answer anything…so feel free to ask whatever you like. 🙂 Lisa~

  10. I love this. I haven’t really felt any pressure to compare my children with anyone else’s. I am proud of my kids for who they are. (even if they don’t know Latin) 😉
    We don’t plan for our children to go to college either. I am hoping our boys will choose careers they can apprentice for or learn on the job. We learned the hard way that college prepares us to work for others and we want our boys to work for themselves so they have the opportunity to be available more for their wives and children.
    Of course, I guess if one of our kids wants to be a neurosurgeon. . . . . . . we’ll face that bridge when we get there. 🙂

  11. Wonderful post, that verse has been my verse for the year 2011- I suppose I will need to think about a new one now that it is nearly 2012.

  12. Where’s the “like” button?
    There’s a whole heap ‘o wisdom here.
    I second the “thanks” to Jessica for sharing her story. Beautiful New Creation.

  14. Lisa, I’ve been a mom for 30 years and a homeschooling parent for 24 years. I’ve seen just about every side to this situation first-hand. But you’ve put it in the best perspective I’ve ever heard. Thanks for sharing from your heart.

  15. And worse yet, don’t compare your children to random people on the INTERNET whom you don’t know and will never meet. Because you likely have enough “perfect” families in your real life sphere without adding in the thousands of perfect families on their mothers’ blogs 😀

    Thank you so much for this, Lisa. Your family seems to have so much fun and to really like each other. THAT is my goal for our family “dynamic.” Love and serve God, love and serve each other.

    And we have the same ideas about college. My husband is an auto mechanic and did go to college for a total of 4 years (studying cars the whole time). But he knows now that there are other ways to learn the things you want or need to know.

    May you have a blessed Christmas and all feel better very soon.

  16. Yes Lindsey! People on the internet should definitely not be something we should compare ourselves to! Ick! Thanks for making that point. And I love what you shared about your husband. That’s it exactly! Lisa~

  17. Bravo and AMEN!! And the skill sets you are talking about are by far and above more important than so many of the “accomplishments” touted by many!! And I have to admit I sometimes find myself falling prey to just these vary things… particularly with myself. It is something the Lord has really put on my heart as our children learn by our example….

    Once again thank you!!

  20. Wow! What a load of pressure this takes off of me! With four kiddos (age six and younger), I often feel ‘behind’ on things when compared to other parents/families. I often ask myself, “Am I holding them back in any way or restricting them somehow?” and feel as if I’m not doing enough for our children. Thank you so much for illuminating the fact that who we are is just fine and that our best is totally acceptable. Funny how we want our children to do their best, but somehow fail to see that Our best really is good enough when it comes to raising our children. I agree that life skills are far more important than playing the piano. Raising children for the Lord and His work is superior to any sport or club they might want to be involved in. Thank you for sharing all that you did with us!!

  21. If this was FB I would hit the like button. You ALWAYS make me laugh. Thanks for the reminder that my job is to keep them on the path that GOD has for them and not what I, or the world, or anybody else says they should be learning or doing. I need that. I need to remember that life skills and lessons in becoming more like Jesus are the REAL things in life. Thank you!!!

  24. Wow!! Totally agree!! I deal w/ this some in my life.. I would love to be able to teach my boys things like that, but sometimes I feel like I’m still trying to figure it out!!! Lol

  25. Thank you so much for this post. I really needed it today. I have 2 boys (age 4 and 2) and another boy arriving in the very near future. I really needed your advice today and I’m glad I came across it, Thank You.

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