11 Reasons We Don’t Go Out

We very rarely go places with the whole family together.  Unless a family member has died or someone very daring has invited us to their house, we just stay home.  With 11 people it is much more enjoyable to hang out in the living room and laugh over air popped popcorn and a silly DVD.  The kids get out about once a week to go to the store with Mom or run an errand with Dad….1 or 2 at a time.

Every once in a while James and I lose our minds and decide that it would be fun to all go out.  This week was one of those times.  James’ finals were over, Levi’s birthday is around the corner and we hadn’t done anything all together for a long time.  We planned to drive into the city, see a movie, pop by the mall for lunch (where everyone can get what they want), go to Sam’s and lastly get a yogurt at my new favorite yogurt place.

I’m not sure why we thought this would be fun.  Maybe the drought has affected our brains or perhaps we just forgot how these affairs tend to go.

It started out fairly smoothly.  We did a lot of the prep the night before so we pretty easily got out of the house by 9:30 AM.  The big van wasn’t complaining too much even though it hadn’t been called upon for weeks.  After driving for an hour and spending $80+ on movie tickets, we found a long, empty aisle in the theater.  Levi (almost 4) was feeling kind of bad so I had the foresight to grab an old bath towel from the van at the last second (we keep things like that in the van for occasions such as this).

It’s a good thing I did because before the previews were even over he threw up.  Then he threw up again and again.  At one point I took him out to use the bathroom and he threw up in there then he cried because he didn’t want to go back in where the movie was playing.  I bribed him with Sprite, which he sipped and it seemed to be settling his stomach a little, even though he did let loose one final time on the carpet of the theater lobby as we made our way out.  I did my best to wipe it up with the last clean corner of what we are now calling the throw-up-towel.  No doubt our family portrait will be on the wall in the box office: People NOT to sell tickets to.

We bravely decided to go ahead and go to the mall.  Obviously we don’t learn from our mistakes.  The heat was bothering James’ stomach, so he ran in ahead of us to get out of the sun while I got the kids all unloaded and we’d meet him inside.  One by one they piled out of the van, like circus clowns.  We laid Levi in the stroller and took off across the hot black ashpalt.  It was OK until I looked back and saw that Elijah (8) had decided to sit down in the middle of the parking lot.  I stopped the train (really, it’s a sight…10 people walking in a straight line) and told him to get up.  He informed me that he didn’t feel good and couldn’t walk anymore.  Cars were coming, heat waves were striking me dumbfounded.  I gave Jacob (19) a begging look.  Jacob scooped up Elijah and carried him like a groom carries a bride over the threshold while Elijah wimpered that he might faint or throw up. I wish I had a picture of the look on Jacob’s face: priceless.

I pushed the stroller to the first bench that was shaded (it’s an outdoor mall) and Jacob laid Elijah down while the rest of us crowded around him.  Can you imagine this from Elijah’s perspective?  He’s feeling sick, lying on a hard bench in the heat, 9 people in a circle looking down at him and mall music dramatizing the whole thing.  After everyone gave me their opinion (“What do you think doctor?  Will he live?”) we concluded that Jacob could carry Levi and Elijah could ride in the stroller.  I would have liked to put everyone back in the van, lie Elijah down and crank up the A/C, but James had taken the only van key with him.

We wound our way through the mall, but it was rough.  Elijah is too big for the stroller so his feet kept dragging in the front making it very difficult to push.  Crashing halt–“Elijah, pick up your feet,” crashing halt–“Elijah, pick up your feet,” over and over.  We found James along the way and tried to move about inconspicuously through the mall.  Our most successful stop was at Build-A-Bear where all of the younger boys enjoyed looking around.  The older kids wanted to go to the Apple store, which was mobbed with people and you couldn’t get to the new ipads to see how cool they are, which was pretty much the whole reason we wanted to stop there.  James waited at the crowded Apple store with the boys while I ran the girls into Forever 21.  The music was so blaring in there that we left with a headache after only a few minutes.

So far the mall was not working for us.

We all met up at the food court for lunch.  This happened slightly accidentally.  James’ cell phone battery died at some point while we were there so I assumed I should go to the food court.  Thankfully the rest of the family was there and we settled in for another expense of the day.  While we ate there were at least 5 times when someone had to go to the bathroom (“Why didn’t you tell me you had to go to the bathroom when I took the last kid” “I didn’t know I had to go then.”)

After lunch we made our way back to the van in the 105° weather and headed to Sam’s.  We wandered around in there for a while.  Even in a warehouse store it’s hard to shop with a large group.  We take up too much space and are in people’s way in every aisle.  Elijah, still feeling sick, was lying on a flatbed cart with Jacob pushing it while Levi sprawled in the regular cart looking like he would throw up again any second.  I was so worn out at this point I couldn’t wait to get out of there.  One more place where our family portrait will hang on the wall like a criminal at the post office: Unwanted.  After Sam’s we had yogurt and I think everyone will agree it was the best part of the day.  While the process of getting the yogurt was a bit difficult (it’s self serve), we all found it refreshing and it was especially good for those with a stomach ache.

By the time we made the hour’s drive home everyone seemed to feel better, of course.  It’s Murphy’s Law.

I don’t enjoy days like this.  I have never discussed this with other large family moms, so I don’t know if it’s just me.  It costs a lot of money; it doesn’t really seem like we spent time together because even when we sit to eat we can’t fit at the same table anywhere; we take so long to get in and out of the car that we don’t get much accomplished; we are in people’s way everywhere we go; if one of us needs to shop for something that person feels rushed because 10 other people are standing there waiting for them.  And I generally feel like I can’t breathe.

I hope you enjoyed this delightful peek into our world.

But let me end with this:  I wouldn’t trade one drop of the life I have with my big family for dinners out or malls or driving around in a sports car.  Being at home together is just fine with me.  We can easily cook burgers on the grill and cut up potatoes for real, old-fashioned french fries.  Movies are better when you can pause them to go to the bathroom.  We can have real butter on our popcorn.  We can shop on the internet without the blare of music or crowds.  If someone is sick they can lie down.  No hot van.  No big expenses.  Just us.

Remind me of that next time we decide it would be “fun” to all go out together, will ya?