Barbies, Star Wars and More…
After my post about having different rules with your children, quite a few of you asked me what about the situation in reverse….what if a friend called me and said, “Before my precious baby comes to your house to play, I need you to put away such-and-so. We don’t allow him/her to play with those horrible things!” 😉
This has happened several times. We are all different and raising different children. It’s no big deal.
We do some things that our friends don’t allow. Barbies, for example, are something I’ve never had a problem with (I do, however have a problem with her wardrobe, so I made a bunch of Barbie clothes years ago and that’s what we play with). But I have a lot of friends that prefer their daughters don’t play with Barbie. No problem, we just put them away when that friend is over. Star Wars toys…some people don’t want their boys to play with those….so we tuck them out of sight. One friend doesn’t allow her children to eat sugar. I get it; we just don’t do it when they’re here.
I don’t try to convince my friends that they should allow these things for their children. I don’t know what the future holds for their kids and I respect the choices my friends make.
So when a friend calls and asks you if you could make a little change while their child is in your home, don’t be insulted. Don’t try to convince her that it’s fine. Don’t make her feel bad for asking. It’s not a personal judgment against you. Just make the change.
We are all different and we make different choices about how much of the world we allow in our children’s lives.
I think that’s wonderful advice. We are all just trying to do what we think is best for our kids, and it’s natural to be defensive when it seems that someone may be saying we are allowing something we shouldn’t. The truth that they are just doing what they think is best for theie kids, and wse shouldn’t be offended by it.
I agree with this so much. There are some things that loads of people would think we wre really ‘strict’ about, and other things they cannot get over how lax we are with them. But that the thing – God gave our children to…us. He gave your children to…you. Like you, I would try not to offend or make things difficult for parents – I want our children to respect our wishes, and would never criticise other parents for the choices they make (unless they’re blatantly ungodly – that’s different).
As an aside – I never ‘did’ pink or dolls as a child, and although I liked our girls playing with ‘baby’ doll, I just *couldn’t abide* Barbie. I warned all the grannies and aunties not to give Barbie gifts to our girls. Most of them thought I was potty, but hey-ho – nothing new there!
My favorite quote from this blog entry: “It’s no big deal.”. (Why this machine wants two periods here is beyond me.). (aaagh! It’s doing it again!). Our hope is in the Lord. Let us forbear.
Ellen, THAT’S your favorite quote? Wow. I am a woman of great words for sure. LOL! Lisa~
Plain ol’ common sense and courtesy…
You know what I love here? Your humility.
We just need to stop being defensive with one another and allow each other the freedom to follow Christ as HE is leading US.
Great post!
It’s still harder for me to ask someone else to accommodate use rather than to accommodate someone else. The TV is our biggest struggle… We RARELY have it on here, but I know there are places my kids visit where it’s on pretty much all the time (like Gramma’s(s) houses.) Sometimes it seems that family is less willing to oblige some things.
Thanks for the encouragement to do the right thing.
When I come to your house, wanna play Barbies?
Love these words of wisdom. We all tend to be a bit too defensive at times. Most of the decisions I make about what I allow or don’t allow for my children that go beyond Biblical principles are very much about how my girls are affected. My oldest is very visually sensitive. She notices every woman’s “booby lines” (her words for cleavage). Because of that, Barbie is out of the question even with modest clothes. Likewise, too much sugar makes for an extremely irritable girl so I have to limit her intake. These family decisions aren’t about something being right or wrong. They are about what my children can handle.
Thank you for the reminder to just “love our neighbor as ourself”. After all that’s what this is really about.
You all make great points. Sara, asking someone else is MUCH harder than being asked. I agree! We have had to ask grandparents to turn off the TV and faced the consequences of that. It took time, but it’s normal to them now…to turn off the TV when we are there.
Mrs, Manley, exactly! That’s a great way to put it. It’s not always about Biblical choices. Different kids have different needs. Thanks for making that point. 🙂
Lisa~
Great post and comments. You want the kiddos to enjoy coming to play and fellowship, and their parents’ minds to rest and not worry.
What I love most about this post is your heart. Considering another’s interests before our own. It IS much harder to approach someone else than it is to accommodate a request–and it can be even MORE difficult when the request is met with a defensive attitude (when no offense/judgment was meant). Thanks for continuing to point out that each family is responsible to GOD for how they raise their children, and that we can rejoice in our differences instead of attacking each other for them 🙂 (And thanks for putting the Barbies away when our girls come over to play–I love your girls’ hearts in this matter, too!)
I know that I am going back and commenting on this post a little late, but wanted to share something relevant that just happened this week. We are doing lots of work on our house right now, preparing to sell, and so we hired an Amish friend and his wife to come do some of the work. The only way the wife could come was to also bring their three youngest children, 5, 3 and 1 years old. They asked beforehand if we would mind closing the door to the office/schoolroom which houses our computers and that we not use them in front of their children. I wasn’t at all offended by their request and was very happy to oblige them. I obviously don’t hold to their beliefs (as I type on my computer!), but I had no problem with catering to their beliefs while their children were here. It was just interesting that this took place a few days after reading this post!
Mandy, I love hearing that story. That’s the funny thing….it’s really not worth making a big deal about. You respect your friends without feeling rejected, right? And they must respect you or they wouldn’t leave their most precious treasure in your care. Great comment. Thanks! Lisa~