Showing Kindness
One of my little guys is having some problems lately with self control. It’s hard to be a kid.
He plays when he’s supposed to be working, he picks at his food, he doesn’t want to share, he sneaks things.
These are new problems. He was doing pretty well and then we noticed a change.
I don’t know what happened, maybe a growth spurt, but he needs to be reminded that these behaviors are unacceptable.
I share this with you because it is a perfect opportunity to show patience, mercy and love to your child.
While we work with him, and believe me it’s not going to be easy for him, we are cheerful and kind. There’s no reason to try to make him feel guilty or bad about himself. In fact, we want him to know that we love him no matter what he does. We especially want him to know that he has been redeemed and his sins washed away.
For now, he has to stay with a parent at all times. If I have to run an errand, he stays in James’ office. He must read or copy Bible verses or do little jobs for me. We talk and stay connected. I don’t need to mention his crimes. It’s bad enough that he has to miss the fun his siblings are having. It’s a balance between showing him that he is loved and cherished, but not having any fun. We wouldn’t want him to start enjoying the attention.
I’m not too worried about that. He’s pretty miserable. He’ll say to me, “When do you think I will be able to go play outside with brother?” and I will reply, “Well, do you think you are ready to be trusted?” He thinks for a minutes and says quietly, “No ma’am. I don’t think so.”
It’s so sweet.
I don’t make any effort to change what I am doing. I just go along working on the computer, making phone calls, sewing….and he stays nearby. After the first day I might send him off to do something for me and then report right back to me when he is finished. As I see that he is having an easier time controlling himself I let him go for longer and longer periods.
The main thing to remember is pray. These little ones that have been so graciously put in our care need prayer.
I know he’ll be OK. It’s just a thing all kids go through.
I do love him so!
I so needed to read this. I have been having similar issues with one of mine and was at a bit of a loss as to what to do. Thank you so much for sharing your parenting techniques. I know that many are blessed by them!
Thank you for this. This is so wise.
Between 6 and 10 boys get a testosterone surge and this is the age that they start exercising their “power” so it’s perfectly normal. You’re doing the right things until he feels comfortable with it himself and can grow through it without feeling ashamed of some of the things that he can’t control completely right now. What a sweet boy! We have three going through this stage right now.
You are so right about this and so wise. Thank you for sharing.
I just love your parenting style. Please write a book, preferably before I have kids. Don’t worry, you have a couple of years!
Thank you for your post! It really hit home for me. Question for you, as your child is next to you is he able to interact/play with other siblings that are also around you or do you keep him kind of seperated? Im seriously considering trying this.. Thank you again for your wonderful tips!
I am slowly working through and considering this option in my mind – yes it is a slow process! I am having similar trouble with my 8 year old son, however I think part of the reason we are seeing some of these behaviors is that he actually wants to be with me constantly – he would love to be by my side 24/7! Where does his school work and necessary interactions with siblings fit in?? Any more hints/tips?
I know I am not the only one waiting for another post on this technique. Just prop the knee up, open the laptop and start imparting the wisdom!
Please,
Sheri O.
This is called “Tomato Staking” right? There is a book about it “Raising Godly Tomatoes” and quite a few websites. Is this the technique that you’re using? I think it’s a wonderful technique and can work beautifully. I just wanted to check so previous posters (those that commented) can know where to find more information or that a book actually has been written about it. There are lots of people who use this great technique.