What Child Training Is NOT

Before I continue with my series on child training tips, I want to share another short, but important list.

What Child Training Is NOT:

1.  It is not about you having control.

We do not want to control our children.  We are teaching them to control themselves.  God’s Word is so full of verses about self-control that I had a hard time deciding which ones to use.  Here are a couple of my favorites.

1 Thes. 5:8  “But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet”

1 Peter 1:13  “Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

Our gift to our children is that we teach them to have control over their emotions and urges.  When I say, “Sit still while I cook dinner,” I am teaching them to control their body and not give in to their selfish desires.  It may seem like a small difference between this and being controlling….but it makes a big difference in the way we treat our child.

2.  It is not about having perfect children.

We must guard ourselves against the idea that our children have to be perfect. It is not through our actions that we are being made perfect, but through Christ.  We all have faults.  We all will fall short.  It is through your love and understanding that your child will be drawn to the One who will do the perfecting.

I say this because I see so many parents getting angry that their child did not respond in a perfect manner.  Children need to have room to make mistakes, learn from them and grow.  My question to you is, what are they learning when they make a mistake?  It is not the mistake that is the issue, it is your response.

3.  It is not about comparing yourself to others.

Have you ever looked over at another child in public and thought, “Gee I wish my kids would act like her”?  Or the flip side….”At least my kids aren’t as rotten as she is!”

Both of these attitudes are wrong.

Gal. 6:4  “Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.”

God is not comparing us.  He looks upon our hearts and sees who we are.  You must do the same for your child.  Sitting still is harder for some children than others.  If your child is trying her best, then give her your approval and understanding.  If she is not trying her best, then give her the proper discipline and expect more next time. You should only be comparing them to their personal best.

Our children should know how precious they are to us and that we are not concerned with what other people think, but with what the Lord thinks.  The message that their attitude is displeasing to God is what we want to convey….not that they should try to be like someone else.

If you are embarrassed by the behavior of your child in public, then you need to do the work at home.  If you see another mother that seems to have victory in an area where you struggle, ask her advice.  Instead of shame….use that as an opportunity to learn and bless her for her efforts.

As I continue with my child training series, I hope you will keep in mind that the goal is bigger than ourselves.  It is about the future of our children and generations to come.  I pray that you will look to Him for wisdom in the upbringing of your children and let go of the pressures and expectations of the world.

Eph 6:7-8 “Serve wholeheartedly , as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.”