Dealing with Hurt Feelings
It’s been a day of hurt feelings and struggles with friends. I have learned so much about how to manage my hurt feelings. I hope you don’t mind if I share some of my thoughts with you.
Today, for example, I heard about a long distance friend that came through the area and for the third time in a row, didn’t make any effort to see me. I felt rejected and hurt. My immediate response was to let her know she had hurt me.
But I didn’t. Here are some things I have learned:
1) I don’t have a right to have my friend come visit me (or be to invited to the party, or be treated the way I want, or whatever the circumstance).
2) My feelings are just that….feelings. They may be different tomorrow and it is unwise to act on those feelings.
3) I love my friend. “Love bears all things….endures all things” 1 Cor 13:4 ALL things. Not just the things that make me feel good.
4) She didn’t do anything wrong. But even of she did, I should forgive her.
5) Taking some time to think is always better than reacting quickly. I made myself a rule to always let at least 24 hours pass before I respond (if I respond at all). “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Prov 12:16
6) It helps to talk with James about it. He is amazingly able to remain objective and he knows my weaknesses. “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” Prov 12:15
I don’t think I’m overly sensitive. I don’t get my feelings hurt very often. But when I do, I have to remember the truth of the matter.
And today there were several things that happened in addition to (and completely separate from) this situation that made it hard for me to put my own needs, feelings, emotions aside and do what was right.
It does take energy and effort. I’ll admit it isn’t always easy.
But at the end of the day, I am glad that I let it all go. I didn’t hurt my friend in return. I forgave her without her ever even knowing it. I became a little bit stronger and maybe someday….
It will all just roll right off my back without any effort. If not, I know God will use it for my good and draw me closer to Him.
I am ridiculous about this. I get my feelings hurt way too often. Michael is mister “it’s not about emotions”, realist, go-to-the-Bible…basically he sets me straight 🙂 Isn’t it nice being married to a MAN and not a sissy? Love it, most of the time.
.-= Autumn Beck´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
It’s hard to keep things in proper (biblical) perspective sometimes and those are all very good points to deal with that. I especially appreciate Prov. 12:16 and when I practice that one, it keeps me out of a lot of extra trouble. I need to make and wear T shirts with that verse printed on them! ha!
☺ Celeste
P.S. You’re in my post today.
.-= Celeste @ Cottage Dreamers´s last blog ..Take Flight =-.
I found your blog through Celeste and I’m so glad! I am also a transplant from Virginia to Texas, raising two boys(so far) and trying to live my life for the Lord and raise our boys to want the same thing. It is so wonderful to find others who are doing the same!
.-= The Virginia House´s last blog ..Home Again, Home Again…. =-.
Lots of wisdom here – good reminders and perspective.
I’m one of those that tends to hurt feelings without intending to, simply because I’m in my own little (chaotic) world and unaware or because I’m playing the part of the Great White Snark and what I think is hilarious is actually hurtful.
Put some of those Prov. 12:16 T-Shirts in your shop…
.-= Sara K´s last blog ..Remember… =-.
This is so interesting to me that we seem to be on somewhat of the same page with this very thing. I have never really been super sensitive….thick skinned most would say. I always consult Mike for his opinion before dealing with these situations one way or the other…..he is a GREAT sounding board! In the last year I have had my feelings (which I tend to back burner A LOT) hurt a bunch by friends who I know love me and would never hurt me on purpose. I have chosen to do the very same thing, sleeping on it makes you wake with a whole new light shed upon what you were dealing with. This morning after my walk at the track I sat in my van, held my bible in my hand, and prayed “Dear Lord please let me open your word to what you need me to see today after such a busy (and a few hurtful things did happen to me) day yesterday.” This is where He led me….Proverbs 19:11 A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Heather, I love that verse. It is perfect for this post.
I am so sad that you have been hurt. You are so dear and precious to me. Of course, we wish that our friends would never be hurt, but I guess it is unavoidable. We do live in a fallen world after all.
I am so impressed that you walk in the morning. That is so good for you. Between exercise and God’s Word, you had a great start to letting go of your burden. Love you! Lisa~
I too have been hurt recently by a co-worker whom I have hoped would be a friend. Daily I remind myself as I am going to work, “its not about my feelings” and finally after wrestling with it back and forth I am putting it behind me. Unfortunately, some other co-workers have also been hurt in this process, so I pray I can be a good example AND not take the offense back on…thank you Heather for the verse. I want to be in His glory and overlook the offense!
Blessings,
Lisa
.-= lisa´s last blog ..the desert blooms =-.