As tax season rolls along I get lonely. And sad. It’s true….9 kids and a home business, but sometimes I feel lonely for my husband and I want him to stop working and give me some attention.
As wives we all have something that makes our marriage a challenge. If he doesn’t work too much then maybe he doesn’t work enough, or manage the kids like you think he should or even simple things like sloppiness or picky eating can be hard on a wife.
No matter what imperfections your husband has, God gave him to you and wants you to learn and grow through your struggles. I’m not excusing your husband’s flaws, but this is not about him. This is about us.
From the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, “But what if God’s primary intent for your marriage isn’t to make you happy . . . but holy? And what if your relationship isn’t as much about you and your spouse as it is about you and God?”
For me every tax season is an opportunity to turn to God to meet my need for attention and affection. AND I learn more and more every year better ways to sacrifice my need for my husband’s. It ain’t easy, sister. But the riches that go along with these lessons are immeasurable!
Maybe you’re one of those amazing wives who will say that pleasing her husband is her life’s mission and nothing satisfies her more. I admire those women so much. But I am not one of them. My flesh wants to fulfill its own desires and be petted. Sad but true. I like getting my way.
And God knows that! I know because 2 Timothy 3:2-4 is a whole list of selfish struggles and since I can see myself in so many of them, I know God understands! It is only through God’s grace and mercy that we are able to overcome these issues. Being in His Word shows me clearly that God is ready to help me through my hard times in everything….even the tiny problem of wishing my husband were more available.
Here are 5 thoughts that help me find peace when marriage gets difficult:
1. We must not seek satisfaction in anything but God.
Sometimes I wonder if I would have the deep relationship with my Lord if I had an easier life. My trials bring me closer to Him and allow me to see the eternal joy that He wants to give me.
Psalm 16:11b “you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand”
2. We are responsible for our actions, not our husband’s.
I don’t have to answer for what my husband does. But I do have to account for my own actions, so it is important to behave and respond with loving kindness even if he doesn’t deserve it. I sure wouldn’t want him constantly trying to change me, so why would I do that to him. And besides, only God can change hearts.
Psalm 26:2 “Test me, Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.“
3. There is peace even in unpeaceful conditions.
It’s so much more about where our focus is than our circumstances. I notice that when I am doing my morning run if I think about my legs and how tired they are then I constantly want to quit. But if I think about what is up ahead, even imagining God with His arms open waiting for me, the running is much easier. I’m still running the same path, no circumstances have changed. But when my focus changes the task becomes lighter and joyful. It’s the same with marriage. What we focus on can make or break our attitude.
Philippians 3: 14 “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
4. You’re not so perfect either.
It’s true. I’m no picnic to be married to. The things that are important to him are not my strong suits. He likes orderly receipts and spreadsheets and our finances to be all neat and tidy. This is not something I am good at and it probably looks to him like I don’t care about it. I need his understanding in these areas and I should be willing to give him the same when he doesn’t seem to appreciate my desire to discuss my ideas about home decorating.
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…”
5. It is your behavior that can win over your husband.
Seeing your grace and humility may be just what your husband needs so that he may seek righteousness for his own life. Even though this verse refers to unsaved husbands, it cannot be denied that being forgiven has a deep impact on our husbands. When I forgive him for hurting me or inconveniencing me, it leaves room for the Holy Spirit to touch his heart and do a good work. That’s not even mentioning the impact your behavior has on your children….the influence you have as a woman is far reaching.
1 Peter 3:1-2 “if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
This tax season I have learned to be more patient. God has given me the husband I needed to sharpen my weak areas and as much as that hurts sometimes, I can feel myself becoming the woman I really want to be. One who is willing to be selfless and caring even when it isn’t deserved.
Let’s build one another up and encourage each other to look to God for our support and strength. I’m excited to see what God can do with a group of women who are willing to set their needs aside for the husband and let God fill in the gaps.