6 Insights on Being an Older Woman
Over the weekend there was some talk on Facebook about the verses in Titus on older women teaching the younger women. I think of these verses so often when I need advice or when I meet a young mom who is struggling.
It’s interesting to find myself on the older side now. I don’t feel older. Unless I’m trying to get out of the car after riding for a couple of hours. Then I feel really old.
Titus 2:3-5 “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
I thought I’d share a bit of my perspective from the past few years of being an older woman.
1. It’s not as easy as it looks.
I always assumed that when I was this age (48) I would feel wise and secure and not have immature problems. Guess what…..NOT TRUE! I have found that while I am definitely not as insecure as I was in my 20’s, I do still have threads of insecurity hit me occasionally. I don’t have all the answers, in fact I have less than I thought I had 25 years ago. Half the time I’m a hot mess just like you.
2. I’m still a kid at heart.
Being older hasn’t stopped me from bursting into song at the grocery store or trying to sneak past an “Employees Only” sign to see what’s behind the door. I still want to push all of the buttons in the elevator and eat the biggest piece of cake. The urges haven’t changed. In fact, I am slightly more daring because life has taught me that nothing bad is really going to happen if you try.
But it’s been years since I actually pushed an elevator button. I let my kids do it. Because I love them.
3. You have to develop a thick skin.
Guess what. When you have wisdom not everyone wants to hear it. Yes, it’s true. That mother in Walmart that is screaming at her kid isn’t interested in my godly advice. She seems to think I’m meddling and maybe even gives me an earful of words I have never heard before but I’m fairly sure they’re bad.
Be prepared to be insulted, accused of being a know-it-all, even attacked. It has happened to me more times than I like to think about (in real life and on the blog). But then I realize that having wisdom means I need to use all that wise advice for myself and know when to be quiet and just love someone anyway. If we can’t respond in a godly way then how can we teach younger women how to do it?
4. The baby years are gone….like….in my soul.
I never, ever, ever thought this would happen. I was constantly pregnant, nursing, diapering for 20 years of my life. During that time it seemed so never ending. I’d talk on the phone with friends about babies, I could have pregnancy discussions all day long, I always knew the hottest new thing in cloth diapering. Then all of a sudden, with no warning or effort, I stopped having babies. It was just over. And now that my youngest is 5, it feels completely behind me. And you know what, I don’t feel sad about it. I thought I would, I really did. But I feel contentment and peace. The awesome thing about allowing God to control our family size is that I know it’s His will for me. And I trust Him.
I do look forward to grandchildren. I know it will be wonderful. But it will be different. My own baby days are gone and I feel a deep peace about it.
5. Wrinkles don’t matter.
Yes, I said it. Gray hair, wrinkles and saggy body parts don’t matter one bit when it comes to wisdom. The fact that our society undervalues age is so backwards from what God’s Word says….it’s the lines of time that prove our beauty, not detract from it! It is a mistake to ignore an older woman’s wisdom based on her looks. Perhaps she has learned something you haven’t. She may have discovered that the fountain of youth is in embracing your body’s imperfections.
6. The wisdom comes from God.
You can have wisdom at any age because true wisdom only comes from God. No matter how old you are, if you’re out there spreading wisdom that isn’t from Him, you’re leaving a mess behind you. The thing that qualifies older women to teach younger women is our experience. Knowing what it is actually like to love the same man for 25+ years, raise a child to adulthood, live through financial crisis and come through to the other side….these things give older women a level of maturity that you simply can’t have when you’re young. There’s nothing wrong with you; you’re smart; you’re amazing; you will likely be more wise than me when you’re my age…in fact I’m sure of it.
My advice to those of you that are still young, let the Word of God be honored by listening to what the older women around you have to say. Don’t be defensive. You don’t have to follow the advice, of course! We’re not always right. But be polite, listen, smile, tell your children you are grateful for the older women that share their wisdom with you. Be respectful.
Never forget that someday you will be the older woman. Seek experiences that will help you give good council. Work on yourself and build a core of strength in Christ. It is very, very difficult. But you will be all the wiser for it.
(If you’re one of my many readers that are over 50 and laughing at me thinking I’m an older woman, I’m laughing right along with you! Girl, I KNOW I have a long way to go! Just keep bringing me the wisdom….I need it!)
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LOL! I love the blurb at the end. That’s how I feel too. It’s been neat to be the older woman in some women’s lives, yet I will always have the desire and need to seek out older women to guide me in my own life.
Love this post! 🙂
Candace, thanks so much! Knowing you, I know you are a blessing to planty of younger women and older too! Lisa~
I hear you….at 47…….funny how we do not feel that old. Funny how babies are just for cuddling loving and giving back. Funny how sweating is not related to physical exertion any more. I just want to see others around me fulfil their dreams and desires, in a strange way in helping others I get to where I want to go! It is a good age, I would not want to go back, I love the security, the peace, the confidence to be who I really am……me hanging with Jesus. You have blessed me this am in Australia again! Cath.
Cathy, loved your comments….I can relate to all of them! Have a great day in Australia! Lisa~
This is beautiful! I relate so much with what you say. I am 61 and let me tell you, there is such a peace and joy in my life now. It comes from a real relationship with my God and Savior. I really get it now! God is God and I am not! He knows the plans He has for me and that is what really matters. Not my plans! I love that I am 61 but have child-like feelings of awe that I am alive and participating in God’s story!!!
Shelley, thank you so much for sharing with us! I hope my relationship with Christ keep growing. You’re a blessing! Lisa~
I have long said that I wouldn’t go back to my 20’s unless God allowed me to keep the wisdom I have gained in the years since I was in my 20’s. I am 49 now.
I love being an ‘older’ woman. I love to encourage younger women including the four God placed in my home.
Great post Lisa!
Deanna, I agree! I wouldn’t trade wisdom for youth….no way Jose! Thanks for commenting. Lisa~
I think it is cruel irony that you don’t realize how important advice from older women is until you are “the older woman.” LOL It wasn’t until my later 30’s that I really got it. Now I value their wisdom and experience so much. And, I feel compelled at times to mentor younger women, whom are probably thinking “who does she think she is?”
Amanda, we so often don’t realize what we have, huh? I know I appreciate your wisdom. Love ya! Lisa~
I am only 32 but I am the older women with many of my friends so I do get this and will be sharing
Melanie, I know what you mean! You don’t have to be “old” to be the older woman! Thanks for adding that. Lisa~
Dear Erma,
Loved your thoughts today.
I’ve told my children since they turned 13 years old: “Remember, to some other female in this world, you are an ‘aged’ woman. Your experiences will benefit their lives. You go through what you do and will to help women younger than yourself. Try to remember that someone is watching your life.”
Each of us is an “older” woman to someone else, whether she’s 11, 21, 31, or 41. Hey! Even if you’re 51 like me (52 next month!), I cherish immensely the older, “aged” women in my life and I always will.
I have a friend, Betty who married at barely 16. Days before the 9/11 tragedy, she celebrated her Golden Anniversary. I remember her telling me, “I couldn’t wait until I turned 40 ’cause then I could say whatever I well pleased!” And believe me, she did, and I just love her spirit, her smile and her wisdom. I hope some young woman says all of this about me when she thinks of me: “I love Kelley’s spirit, her smile and I’ve never failed to learn from her!”
Each of us will either be a good example or a horrible warning.
Love you, Erma,
Kelley
Dear Kelley, You are so wise to teach that to your daughters. I would bet that there are MANY younger women that will say fond things about your generosity when they think of you. I know I will! 🙂 Lisa~
I really enjoyed this post! I have many older women in my life (I’m 34), and these thoughts gave me some deeper perspective into their thoughts and caused me to really think about their influence in my life. Definitely something to ponder and appreciate…. Thank you for sharing!
Jolene, what a gift to have older women in your life. I never had many so I appreciate it so much. You will gain so much from them…..I know you’re already a gift to the younger women in your life too! Lisa~
Thank you for your willingness to share your wisdom. When I was blessed to have older women in my life, I asked for their wisdom. I don’t think I was specific enough because they responded that younger women didn’t want to hear what they had to say. I have prayed for a Godly older woman to be a part of my in-real-life world but I suppose God figures I have what I need. I am though thankful for the internet and blogs like yours. It’s been so many years though that I am no longer a “young” woman. Now I feel like I don’t have an excuse not to have it more together.
TMichelle, I think a lot of older women have been burned bu the young women in their lives. It’s sad. Like you, I never had that either and I had the exact same attitude. I figured if I needed it, God would provide. Just by desiring it shows you have wisdom to share! Lisa~
I think you are probably right about the older one’s being burned. 🙁
Well, I’m 46, so officially in the ‘older woman’ category too….. I just don’t *feel* like an older woman, and long to have ‘older women’ to guide me. I can’t say I’ve ever been blessed with that, but I truly pray that, if possible, God may some day use me to be a blessing to younger women.
Although I have a *tonne* still to learn, like you, Lisa, I know that 20+ years of marriage and of being a mum does teach us a fair amount. I pray I’d be wise in using what I’ve learned – giving it with love and understanding.
(Oh, for me the ‘baby thing’ hasn’t yet happened. I am SO broody…. and need to Get over It! (I need my kids to start having babies 😉 )
Croft, I know what you mean! Until I’m in a room full of 20-somethings listening to them talk and then I do feel like I can see my 20-something self in them and realize I have grown and matured. Not that they seem immature…just inexperienced. Maybe the “baby thing” doesn’t happen to everyone. But for me I think it is a deep trust issue. I started trusting what God has for me instead of wishing for something else. Just a thought. 🙂 Lisa~
Thank you for being a wise older woman. You and your blog are a blessing to me. I look forward to reading your own special blend of humor and wisdom-each and every day.
Hi Lisa,
Thank you so much for sharing this lovely post. I’m nearly 29, expecting my 4th child. I guess I’m somewhere in the middle of the age spectrum. I’ve always loved listening to the older ladies’ around me, hoping to glean a little tidbit here and there that may help me along the way, and many of my friends are older than me. I’ve been realizing lately how important it is to start taking on the role of the “older” in my life… I often see young mothers around me who are struggling, but I’ve become reluctant to share unsolicited advice because I think I’ve come across as meddling before. Thank you for the reminder of keeping a thick skin. I will pray for the Lord to help me recognize when to advise and when to hold my tongue 😉
The other thing I wanted to mention is THANK YOU for saying what you did about being pregnant, nursing, changing diapers for 20+ years, but now having a deep peace since it’s over. As I’m currently going on 7 years of being either pregnant, nursing, or both, I’ve been feeling the cumulative effects of lost sleep and of using up my body’s nutrient stores to grow babies. My husband and I decided early in our marriage to let God order our family size, but I’ve found myself seriously considering taking more direct measures to space our children further apart. When I think of the possibility of another 10+ years of pregnancy and babies, I’m just a bit…. overwhelmed. I’m very torn over it right now, although we won’t have to make a real decision about it for at least a year. It’s good to hear that you stepped out in faith and gave God full control, and have come out so happily on the other side of it. I’d love to know, after the first 4 babies, does it get easier with the experience you’ve gained to add each of the next 5 babies as they come (just throwing numbers out there)? I think my biggest hindrance is wondering, simply, will I ever get some consecutive nights of uninterrupted sleep before I’m 40?! Any advice you have to share on this IS welcomed! Or feel free to point me to a former blog post 🙂
I love your blog, and thanks for being so willing to share with us younger gals :)
Sarah in AR
I, too, am 48. I got married later in life and had my four kiddos quickly. I still feel like I did at, say, 25. I have a new, young friend who is raising young children. She has asked for advice a couple of times. Then, she told me she thinks of me like her mother! Gulp! Poof! I’m the “older woman” :). The good thing is that my kids are still young enough that it is still somewhat fresh on my mind. It is an immense responsibility for any of us to be asked advice to prayerfully weigh our words and filter everything through God’s word. Thanks for the tips – I’m right there with you :).
So grateful that you wrote about this. I think you have great insight as it touches the hearts of those who have found themselves in the same place overnight like yourself. It’s also a great admonition to those not there as it will come.
There is so much to be learned in our lives
About becoming what God wants us to be. What a wonderful God to teach us through those who have been there done that. (Real life Godly counsel) thank you for all the issues you tackle and truly God is using you to touch the lives of so many who need to hear. Thanks for being willing to counter culture and give Godly counsel…
I have been looking for something like this! I’m 27 and love that verse, I wish I was able to have these “conversations” more often. Sometimes I can’t imagine how I’m going to make it to 50,60,70 etc thanks so much for sharing