Last Sunday night I went out for a night on the town with three of my girlfriends to celebrate my friend Sara‘s birthday. We were having a great time, walking along the Riverwalk, eating Mexican food, giggling, dancing in our seats to the mariachi music.
Since we were right next to the beautiful Marriott hotel we thought it would be fun to wander around and check out the lobby. Eventually we rode the elevator up to the 38th floor and breathed in a gorgeous view of the city. We were being silly, enjoying our time together.
On the ride back down, Sara got nervous. She doesn’t like elevators and she was gripping the rail (in the photo above you can see her hand hanging on behind her in the lower left). I decided it would be funny to jump in the elevator to give her a little scare. I started jumping and she panicked. She shouted for me to stop which threw me into a giggling fit.
Then it happened.
You know what I mean.
The thing that happens when a 47 year old woman that has given birth 9 times and doesn’t do her kegels decides to jump and laugh at the same time.
I peed. In the elevator. Which made me laugh even harder. It’s a vicious cycle.
It wasn’t running down my legs or anything. Except for the look of shock on my face, me pointing to where the pee was coming out and shouting, “I have to get to a BATHROOM!” my friends might not have even known that it happened.
We got to the bottom floor, found a bathroom and all the while Sara is muttering something about me getting what I deserved.
The night ended with me in a tiny Target bathroom trying to squeeze into a fresh pair of Spanx….actually these are called Assets. They are made by the same lady that created Spanx, they sell them at Target and I love them….your free fashion tip for the day. Anyway, have you ever worn Spanx/Assets? They are Barbie sized when you first pull them out of the package and it takes half an hour of jiggling to get them on the first time. It’s a lot like stuffing sausage into its casing.
At some point during the exhaustive effort to contort myself into a position where I could get the Assets all the way up without touching the toilet or busting the door open, I hurt my back. I felt a RIP to the left of my spine and knew that I was in trouble. Sara was standing outside of the bathroom stall asking me if I needed help. I am sure the ungodly noises I was making were either concerning or, more likely, embarrassing her.
I kept saying through the door, “I’m OK! Oh…and Happy Birthday!!!”
Once I was clean, dry and redressed we made one quick stop before heading home.
Because chocolate frozen yogurt makes even the weirdest of circumstances more fun.
For the past 2 days I’ve been in my recliner with ice on my back. I can’t even lie on the bed without pain. But it’s not worrying me. I’ll be all better soon and the memory of Sara’s face when I jumped in that elevator will carry me happily through my life.
A new pair of Assets….$16.
A great memory……priceless.
All of these images are from my Instagram feed. Follow me there for more fun adventures!