I am usually calm and collected….OK not really. I do usually appear calm on the outside, but my mind is almost always racing with thoughts that I have to push down so I don’t come across like a psycho on steroids.
If you were around me with my kids you’d think I was a calm person. I tend to be quiet and I enjoy just listening to the kids talk and share and be silly. I’m fairly mellow about the kids and I don’t worry much. I trust the Lord with our lives and I do believe he is in complete control.
Last night when Jacob rode a bus for 4 hours to a huge, downtown city stopping at midnight…in the dark…with a suitcase in one hand and the cell phone that I added GPS tracking to in the other….
I turned into an old Jewish grandmother.
I was worried and nervous and pestering him with an unusual amount of texts and phone calls. I say unusual because in ordinary circumstances I rarely communicate with him. He and I, secure in our love for one another, do not communicate via cell phone/texts. Actually, Jacob doesn’t really have much to say to anyone. He’s a quiet one, that guy.
The night before, when James and I were going over with Jacob the plans for the trip, bus etiquette, how to behave in someone else’s home, etc. I started crying. James and Jacob froze with that uncomfortableness that men have when a woman cries. “Is she sad? Is she hormonal? Is she just wishing there was more chocolate in the house? I don’t understand women and I don’t know how to fix it!”
I pulled myself together and assured them I was fine. “It’s just Mommy tears,” I said.
Now that Jacob is safely tucked away in the home of his friend I can relax a little more. But still the Mommy tears are right at the surface. I know he’s a big boy and he will be fine. I know that in most of my brain. But that little teeny section of my mind right at the very front wants to drive 6 hours to check on him, then turn around and drive home again.
Deep breath Lisa. Get a hold of yourself. I need a good slap.
I’m counting on you all to stop me from texting Jacob every half an hour for the next week. Or looking at baby pictures of him.
Alright this is silly. I’m calming down now. Or at least I look like it on the outside.