Peace and Quiet Can Cause Problems
Yesterday I went into the city to run a zillion errands. I know that’s a lot, but I was all alone, sans children, nobody, nada, zip….I was kind of excited. I knew I would be able to get a lot of things done if I was allowed to have my own thoughts and not wait for other people to unbuckle, find a place to put their cup, me shout to move the cup before it spills, they stumble out of the van, me push the button for the door to close then they say they really, really wanted to push the button so we wait for it to close then push it to open again and then they push the button then wait for the door to close again, let them push the lock button on the key fob….hold my hand while we are in the parking lot, don’t ask Mommy about a movie we saw last week while we’re trying not to get hit by cars, oh just let me carry you, now my back hurts……
Ah yes….I was alone. I just got out of the car, closed the door and walked away. It was heavenly.
I did a lot of running and by the time I got to Sam’s Club I was tired. I needed to use the bathroom so I went in and as I was sitting down {ahem} I heard my phone make jingle that I had a text. So I fished the phone out of my purse and checked my texts while I sat for a second. I was enjoying just sitting there for a minute so after I replied to the text I made the sort of non-decision to play a quick game of solitaire on my phone as long as it was in my hand anyway. There I sat, enjoying the peace and quiet of the Sam’s bathroom and mindlessly playing a quick game of cards. I must have sat there longer than I realized because what happened next is, well, let me tell you….
I heard a couple of men coming into the bathroom. At first I had the panic feeling that I had accidentally gone into the men’s bathroom. But after just a second I realized that they were just in there to clean it. Apparently they had been waiting outside of the bathroom to see if anyone went in or out and since no one did they thought it was empty. They started to clean and I froze…what do I do? I know it seems obvious NOW that I should have said something. But that thought didn’t hit me right at that moment.
As I sat there hearing their whole conversation about a party the weekend before and something about beer, I begged God to let them just clean the counter and not the stalls. Please God….don’t let them come my way.
But they did. They made their way around the corner and started cleaning the stalls, one by one. Now I was really in trouble. I mean, I had waited too long. If I spoke up now it would be weird and if I didn’t they would surely eventually get to my stall and I would be in there trying to figure out a way to flush myself down the toilet.
Finally, of course, as they got closer I had to speak. I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and said, “Uh guys….someone’s in here.” Clever right? Not too accusing, not too much information.
From the sound of it they kind of jumped and then said, “Hey! There’s a lady in here!” then they high tailed it out of the bathroom. They tried to muffle their laughter, but it was clear. I sat there wondering how long I had to wait before I could get out without being recognized as the crazy lady that sat in the bathroom while they cleaned it.
A second later other women filed in to use the bathroom and I just tried to join the crowd and slip out unnoticed. I have a feeling there will be a picture of me in their cleaning closet with the caption below, “Weirdo…stay away from this one,” right next to a snapshot faxed over from Bed Bath & Beyond.
Once I made the great escape I got my groceries and got out of there as fast as I could. And now, of course, I have to start shopping at a different Sam’s.
The list of places I can no longer patronize is getting to be pretty long.
All in all, despite the bathroom fiasco, my day was pretty great. Sunshine and silence are a winning combination.
You forgot to include with sunshine and silence… sanitation.
Good stuff Lisa, good stuff. I probably would have frozen up too. And what an added bonus to a delightful day alone-being able to go to the bathroom alone and for as long as you want. At least until the cleaners came in. But hey, you didn’t have to clean that bathroom!
OH my friend. Only you and hopefully never me. LOL! Your life really should be a sitcom. Ha! Ha! I mean that in the best way possible.
Thank you for the laugh today.
Hugs!
Kim
seriously, you are hilarious!! Now I have 2 things to make me burst out laughing when I think of them. This and the ’tiller car’!! bahaha
Oh my goodness, don’t you realize I have my yucky period pain right now and laughing just makes it worse……! You are hilarious!
HAHAHA! I adore you and you ALWAYS make me laugh… xoxo
Oh my gosh! I need this soooo very badly today! Thanks for the brief moment of levity, um, even though it was at your expense, sorry, I enjoyed it! (I’ve had my fair share of these types of moments also). 🙂
“The list of places I can no longer patronize is getting to be pretty long.” You are *so* funny! It’s almost like Lucy and Ethel, but who’s your Ethel?
Thanks for making me smile 🙂
Bless your heart! Now I don’t feel so bad about it when that happened to me…. I am so glad to know that I’m in good company!!
Atleast you can laugh about it. 🙂 I have lots of trophies that hubby and I want to recycle but have no where to take them. To bad you dont live in VA unless you want to pay shipping.
God bless
i did a very unladylike giggle-snort through the entire reading of this post.
i am certain, however, that you will not chastise my unfeminine behaviours…considering…
lisa, you crack. me. up.
That is so something that would happen to me, and I would have totally frozen stiff. i probably would have coughed or sneezed so I didn’t have to say anything :)Thanks for making me laugh!
that is funny – and then I read the BB&B – hard to top – I almost don’t want to ask what is next 😉
I love you, Mrs Pennington! 😀 Don’t ever change; I hope I become as awesome as you are at bringing joy to people. 😀
So so funny, and totally something I would do. Laughed so much, I almost pee’d my pants.
Stuff like that happens to me all the time. LOL Check out #9 on my post today and you will see I am telling the truth. I enjoyed reading about your experience today 🙂
Hugs,
Bj
I’m not a big fan of public restrooms – in and out as fast as humanly possible! My daughter thinks it’s funny that I don’t touch any part of a public restroom with any part of my body and I’ve taught her to do the same. It is kind of comical, but it can be done! I am not a germaphobe, but I in college I cleaned the dorm restrooms and got pretty grossed out. I can’t even imagine sitting and enjoying the peace and quiet of the Sam’s restroom! I have a feeling those cleaning guys will be a little more vocal about letting their presence be known and also check for feet a little more carefully!
Cracking UP!! I would also be frozen in that situation, too. Just awkward!
Any mom worth her grain of salt has found a momentary bit of quiet in a bathroom. I am the woman who ALWAYS walks into the men’s bathroom. I don’t know why, I read quite well.
This is too funny! Usually they call in to announce cleaning crew or something. I probably would have flushed, they would probably have high tailed it then, too.
Oh my word! This made me laugh so hard, I had tears streaming down my face. Thank you for sharing your life experiences. Priceless!