20 Ways to “Reset” When the Kids Are Having a Hard Day

A few days ago (maybe more than a few, I lose track of time easily) I got a great question from Andrea.ย  She asked, “Sometimes we get in a funk.ย  We can run a stretch of days with everyone on edge and “bickery”.ย  It often starts with illness or a stretch of cold rainy days (no outside play), but somehow these sweet children become rather unpleasant to spend the days with….Do you have a secret “reset” button, or advice on how to get “back on track”??

I love this question.ย  You are SO right Andrea.ย  There are often days or even just an hour when everyone seems to be a little grouchy.

These are some thing I do when that happens:

1. Deep breath. I call out, “Deep breath!” Then everyone stands up and we all take long, slow breaths while we raise our hands over our heads.ย  Then we let the air out slowly while we lower our arms.ย  The whole movement is very slow and purposeful.ย  We might do that a few times, then go back to our regular day.

2. Jumping jacks.ย  We all stop what we are doing and do 20 jumping jacks.ย  This is especially good when they seem to have extra energy and need to use it.ย  It’s hilarious to see the littler ones trying to coordinate their arms and legs.

3. The color game. If its not raining I take a stack of construction paper (each piece a different color), some tape and some tacks (I used to leave these in a drawer by the front door) and take it all outside.ย  I tack or tape a whole piece of the paper to trees, the car, a bush, the front door….making sure they are spread out but I can see all of the colors from my chair (that I have set in the middle of it all).ย  Then I sit in the chair and gather all of the kids around me and I say, “Ready……RED!”ย  Then they have to find the red paper and run to it.ย  Once they are all there I call out another color and we keep doing it until they are exhausted.ย  Sometimes I modify the game by calling a kid’s name with a color.ย  You can let the older ones go faster with this version.

4. Play stations in the kitchen.ย  Fill the sink half full with water & utensils, fill a 9×13 pan with rice, another with straws, a plastic bowl with beans.ย  Set it all on the kitchen counter (table, whatever) and set the timer for 5 minutes.ย  They play at each station for only 5 minutes then they switch.ย  You stay in the kitchen with them the whole time giving attention to their made up games.ย  In 20 minutes it’s over.

5. Emergency toys. I keep toys tucked high up in a closet for just such an occasion.ย  Pull them out of the closet and set the timer for 30 minutes.ย  Once the timer goes off….the toys get put away for at least a month.ย  That’s the only way they will work the next time.

6. Play a game.ย  We’ll all sit and play something unbelievably dull, like Go Fish or a simple board game.ย  Sometimes all they need is for you to stop and give them your full attention for 15 minutes.

7. Music.ย  Music is a-MAZing for this kind of problem.ย  If I don’t have the time to play games or make pans of rice in the kitchen, I will turn on some fun kid music and we’ll all dance around to one song.ย  Mommy dances too (and Daddy if he’s home).ย  One song can reset everyone’s attitude.

8. Tear paper.ย  Sometimes we all just need to do something wild and completely unexpected.ย  So I will give each child 3 pieces of construction paper and we’ll stand in a circle and when I say, “GO!” we all start tearing up our paper and throwing it on the floor.ย  We jump around and scream and laugh and giggle and fall down and throw the paper around for about 5 minutes.ย  Then I say, “STOP!” and we have to clean it up as quickly and silly as we can.

9. Lie on the grass.ย  Often, when it’s not too wet, cold, hot….we go outside and lie on the grass.ย  Everyone takes turns telling what they see in the clouds or, if there’s no cloud, I will ask them a question and we take turns answering.ย  Sometimes we will do it on the trampoline instead of the grass.

10. Drink something green.ย  I put green food coloring in either lemonade or water.ย  I gather everyone in the kitchen and give everyone a glass of “Green Goop” and we all drink it at the same time.ย  We drink it as fast as we can and be silly.ย  If it’s been a really rough day, burping is a must.

11. Crawling.ย  I have everyone put shoes on their hands and crawl around until I say stop.ย  Then they have to freeze like a statue until I say go.ย  Sometimes I’ll call out pieces of furniture for them to crawl to.ย  We’ll do this for about 15 minutes then stop and put the shoes away.

12. Baths.ย  These are not get-clean baths.ย  These are play-baths.ย  15 minutes in the tub with a few toys and no washing hair.ย  Just time to stop everything and play in the water.

13.ย  Read a book.ย  If everyone is tired I will grab a book and read it aloud in an unusual way…with an accent, like a monster, while acting it out, hanging upside down off of the couch….something that makes it different.

14. Hold hands.ย  Sometimes everyone just needs Mom for a few minutes.ย  So we’ll hold hands and walk around, outside if possible but inside works too.ย  I’ll say something like, “Tell me what you liked about today,” and we’ll walk and talk and touch for a few minutes.

15. Quizzes.ย  I’ll line them up in front of me and zing them with questions.ย  They have to answer really quickly and if they take too long I say, “Zing!” and they have to fall down and get back up again.ย  (If you’re not feeling creative, just think of a favorite book or movie and ask them questions about that, “What’s the name of the character that_____,” “Who had the last line in the movie?” “What color was ____ wearing when she was running?”, etc.)ย  This is especially good for nursing moms that need to sit for a few minutes and the older kids are needing attention.

16. Color their name. I write their name in really big, puffy letters and they get 3 Crayons to color it in.ย  No sharing, no trading…just 3 colors…GO!

17. Have a snack.ย  You sit with them and talk for just a few minutes.ย  Don’t set them down and walk off.ย  Just sit there for a few minutes and toast your glasses together and say, “To a better day!” and eat a little something.

18. The Whisper Game.ย  I say, “Let’s plat the Whisper Game!” and set the timer for 5-10 minutes.ย  That whole time you sit and talk but everyone has to whisper.ย  Do what you can to make it silly and animated, like lean to their ears or tiptoe around the room while you’re whispering.

19. Animals.ย  I sit on the couch and and gather them around, with an arm length between them.ย  Then I call out animals and they have to act like that animal until I change the animal.ย  I might switch it up by calling out a specific child’s name with an animal.

20. Slow down.ย  This one is good to do after any of the other activities.ย  We all move and talk in slow motion.ย  I will walk around and they follow me and do what I do….all in slow motion.ย  Then I give them turns being the leader.ย  This is fun, but it takes the energy back down and you’re ready to go back to normal.

As you can see, the main focus of these activities is to stop what you are doing, stop rushing, stop being frustrated and spend a few minutes together doing something completely different.ย  It is essential that Mom or Dad participate.ย  That’s what really pushes the reset button.

Thanks Andrea for the great question!ย  I hope this helps.

Follow me on Facebook for more great conversation and ideas


124 Comments

  1. I just had to come to your blog when I found you at Organizing Made Fun. My name is also Lisa and my maiden name is Pennington. We also homeschool but with fewer children. I have enjoyed reading your blog posts and will bookmark you for future reading.

    In Him,

    Lisa “Pennington”

  2. Thanks for all your new ideas. I have my boys do jumping jacks all the time. It works great! I can’t wait to try the tearing paper one among many of the others.

  3. These are awesome ideas…only when I hollered “Deep Breath” a minute ago, I think the grandkids just assumed it was a new way for my pain release and nobody responded LoL…I’m thinking that will mean extra jumping jacks for next time ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Thanks for the great tips. I have a young child with Autsim and we often find ourselves having a “bad” day. He loves to read and make his own choices, I am excited to try your tips with him and letting him choose which way we restart our day.

  5. You are an awesome mom! Thanks for some more ideas to use with my first graders, since a classroom full of kids has some “need to reset” moments as well!

  6. These are great! I found this on Pinterest, but I always check out pins like this before I re-pin them. I’m glad I did! I’m so glad there are so many *different* ideas. Maybe I’ll type up the ones I like best and throw them in a jar or cup–when we need a break, we can just draw one and have a surprise each time we need a break. Thanks again!

  7. Thank you for these great ideas! I have a bunch of older kids (as well as three toddlers), and I bet these would work well, with minor adjustments, with all of the ages. I’ve enjoyed reading your website. Way to go, great Mom!

  8. These are great! I have a 5 yo and a 3 yo and we need some reset time in the afternoons. I plan to print this and have it handy for those days!

  9. A friend shared this on FB…LOVE your ideas! THANKS! I, too, shall be printing and posting, and SHARING.

    I had a quack of a Child Psychologist try to tell me my (then three year old) had Oppositional Defiance Disorder. What? ALL 3 year olds are oppositional!! What he needed was a good dose of respect and a little more autonomy. I figured this out on my own and the past few weeks have been MUCH better. Your wonderful ideas will certainly help when we hit those dicey places in our day. The Dancing Party is my fav…I just slap on some Go Gos or Black Eyed Peas and we dance like crazy and it REALLY does re-set everyone (who can resist Mom dancing like a deranged person in her slippers??)

    This post is one of those things that should go with this New Parent Handbook they give you when you give birth…oh, wait…

  10. This is an excellent list. I really needed this today.

    I’d also add:
    -Get OUT of the house! Sometimes even babies just need a change of scenery and a trip to “town” (in our case!)
    – move favorite toys to another room- for some reason the train is suddenly more fun if it is on the kitchen table!
    – have a huge all-out wrestling match!
    – make them have 20 minutes of reading alone time. Kids need a break from each other sometimes too!
    – bang on pots and pans!
    – let them play in something messy- “paint” with pudding or cool whip.
    – let them put on bathing suits and mop the floors!

  11. Homeschooling 4 kids in London- in a 900 sq ft flat in a climate where rain is too frequent- and I SO needed some fresh ideas for a reset. Thank you so much!! I’m picking a couple to have in my pocket when Monday rolls around.

  12. I am new to your blog via pinterest and this specific post. LOVE IT! I wanted to add one that we do. We call it Monkey See, Monkey Do. It’s basically follow the leader. One person is the monkey and does some silly movements, dance, etc and we all mimic. We LOVE it when the 1-year-old tries to play along and that makes it even more fun! My 5 and 3 like to decide that the 1-year-old is the monkey and they do whatever he does and giggle the whole time. He usually catches on and hams it up! They also love it when I am the monkey because what child doesn’t like to imitate mom? ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for a great post. I am planning to check your other posts and follow you, as well. ~A mom trying to raise a princess and 2 princes of THE KING!!!

  13. These are great ideas. I’ve been teaching preschool for ten years, and most of these are new to me. I’m your newest follower!

  14. These are some great (new) suggestions to me! I love the term “Reset.” In fact, we took the F5 key off an old keyboard and put a craft magnet on the back of it. We have it on the fridge. Sometimes, when I need to be discreet with someone about the group needing a reset, I’ll walk over the the magnet and start pressing it and looking at that person. It is also the magnet that often holds tickets or free passes, etc for fun activities our family is looking forward to. And if anyone needs to hear it, we will say “F5” as our code word that things are out of hand and need to stop.

    Bubble Wrap: When my kids were preschool age, especially, I always had a stash of bubble wrap. Put that on the floor without saying anything, being sure to walk on it as you walk away and the kids go right to it and go crazy on it for a few minutes while you take care of whatever needs to be done, what they are fighting over, or just to let them burn energy. if it is nice out, let them ride bikes and scooters over it!

    Unexpected silly: Sometimes I’ll randomly burst out into dance or a silly song and then go back to what I was doing. Many times I get attacked with smiles, cuddles and giggles. Then we turn on a CD and jam. Sometimes just something out-of the ordinary is all you need for a reset (wasn’t it one of the Ramona books where the parents were fighting and the one of them was waving around a spatula while they were bickering and the top flew off – it was so funny to them it ended the argument)

    YouTube. This is similar to the one above, but more intentional. I have created a free YouTube account so I could “follow” the kids’ favorite kids band (Go Fish) – and others. Then I access YouTube through the Wii and play it on our TV. Kids love jammin’ to the videos .

    Shake Date: Similar to going out to eat, but without the commitment! go to a fast food place and dine in and just order shakes. If that doesn’t “reset” them, you can leave, and not worry about all the food, bill, service, etc.

    We are a long way from perfect in this area. I have a 9YO that is extremely moody and loves to control things. So when she is not getting her way things go from bad to worse and a lot of time these things help, so I wanted to share. Will be checking back for future comments with more ideas!! Thanks so much!

  15. Oh, this list makes me smile! I’d add ‘taking time for yourself’. That’d be an end of the day or week point but in our home all I need is 30 minutes (maybe a bit more) to reset. Sometimes I take a warm bath, go to a yoga class, have dinner out by myself or grab tea and a book at a local cafe. Works wonders.

  16. I usually don’t post comments but I really loved your ideas and wanted to tell you that you are a genius. I think this may save my sanity and my relationship with my children!

  17. Saw this on Pinterest and I like it. My mom used to do stuff like this, my favorite was sock fighting. We would take off our socks or grab some from a nearby laundry basket or drawer, ball them up and hurl them at each other. Once when we were older (teenagers I think) we had a rubber band fight too. It really broke up the tension or frustration and we were all laughing by the end.

  18. What great ideas!! Living in the PNW we have a lot of rainy days and I find myself running out of fun and entertaining things to do with the kids after a couple days of shut in. I am looking forward to trying out some of your great reset ideas. ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. I just love all of these ideas. Some days are so hard to get through. Reading this made me get teary eyed. Sometimes us stay at home mom’s (atleast me for sure) fear that we have yelled too much or not spent enough time with our kids and have possibly screwed them up for life. I have a 7 year old, 6 year old, 4 year old, and 1 year old. I LOVE staying home, but it definatly is the MOST challanging thing I have every done. thank you so much for sharing all of your excellent ideas. I will definatly be trying these not just on bad days, but for all days. I just need to focus on spending more quality time with each of my children. Thank you again.

  20. Thanks for this great list! I have one more to add: stop whatever you are doing, get down on your kids’ level, and give them your full attention while you talk and/or play for 15 minutes. Whatever they do you do with them — this is kid directed playtime. Does wonders.

  21. Today our ‘reset’ button was ice cream and fries at McDonald’s. I know you are probably shaking your head… and the kids (especially the one that started the meltdown) didn’t “deserve” sweets for acting out… but sometimes a kid needs to feel special and loved… and my kids love fast food grease and sweets. And it meant a lot to them that I “rewarded” them DESPITE their obvious shortcomings today. I actually had both my teens KISS MY HAND in thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚ I told them that today was just because mama loves them. And really – that’s what it is all about sometimes… just loving each other even though we have faults. I know I’m not always getting A+ marks on my behavior card, either. Glad my Big Daddy in the sky lets me start each day with a clean slate.

  22. I came across this yesterday and have already used one today. We have tons of melt downs with my 4 year old and these are so helpful. I just printed them out so I have them ready to go when it happens again. Thank you I was looking for help in this area and these are very helpful.

  23. Thank you for such a great list! My little buddy is starting to get to the age where I need this, I saw it on Pinterest just in time!

  24. I’m a preschool teacher and these ideas are great for them too. Having 18 2.5-4 year olds at once is tough and there are more inside days than not. They love being spontaneous and learning new ideas. I use a lot of these ideas at least once a week with a great response from the children.

  25. These are wonderful ideas I wish I had known when my kids were small. They are now nearly grown, but the one thing we have always done and still do, is read together. I will sit down with them on bad days (and good) and read a story to them or play a book on tape. If we have a REALLY bad day, especially with being kind to one another, I will pick out something with a strong moral to it as a reminder as to how we should be. No one seems to mind, and it’s very settling to all of our spirits.

  26. I’m moving in with you (my 5 children are coming too). My problem is the “slowing down” bit. Being ever-so-slightly OCD, I have a hard time ceasing from my labor until everything is done – somewhat perfectly. These are great ideas! I shall try them , just not the messy ones ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. Great list!!! I’ve used several and will probably be using more! I thought I was pretty clever because I “came up with” #19 Animals, on my own! Guess I’m not the only one! lol My kids ask for that one quite often!

  28. Thanks so much for your list! I love that it requires parent participation b/c so often our breakdowns occur when my kids are trying to get my attention. I will definitely give them a try! A few that have worked for me: Writing on each other’s backs. And lastly, if it’s before 11:30am then I’ll send everyone back to their beds & literally wake them up all over again. Thanks for more ideas!

  29. Thanks for these reset techniques. I have done lots of these with my kids before, recently I have been frustrated with them fighting, here is a way to deter them from their fighting without time outs and talking back. They will still have to say sorry to each other but here is a start. It is nice to have a reminder that I need to spend time with them and to be silly. I think I’ll print them out cut them up and put them in a jar then when the kids need to reset, I can yell reset, or silly jar, or something, then they can pull a slip out and we can just do one right there doesn’t matter what it is. Thanks for the inspiration.

  30. Pingback: Tips | Pearltrees
  31. I am greatly interested in this article but I am having trouble reading it with the way your page is set up. The words are stretched out into the blacked out sides making the black font impossible to read. From what I can read and have deciphered, these are fantastic ideas. Thank you!

  32. My husband is the SAHD of our 4 yr old triplets so I’ll be passing this along to him. Great ideas!

  33. Great ideas!! I love how fun they are. I usually say a boring “Let’s start the day over. OK?”. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for posting this. I found it via Pinterest.

  34. Thank you for these great ideas. This week has been a rough one with my son (3.5) and I’m at a loss. I am going to try some of these ideas next time we have a bad day ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks again!

    Sami

  35. Thank you thank you thank you! My son has just finished Kindergarten and since school has been out we have been having “cranky days” I really feel like some of these will help us. It’ll be a great thing to do as soon as we get home from work/daycare/playdate.

    1. Hi Jenny! If you click the image in the sidebar it takes you to the printable. I just checked it and it worked. I am sorry you had any trouble. Let me know if it still doesn’t work. Thanks! Lisa~

  36. Great post to stumble across, music is very popular in our house when the kids are feeling a little down. We put on the radio or a favourite CD all have a dance and sing, which ends up with lots of laughter and they’re ready to go again!

  37. Thank you for all the wonderful ideas. There is definitely a common theme to them all….one that I think so many parents forget about (including myself sometimes)…all the children really need is some uninterrupted attention. Like you said, even just 10 – 15 minutes is all it takes some days. Thanks for the reminder!! PS Found this post through Pinterest

  38. What a fantastic post. Thank you so much for the reminder. As a mom of 4 (all ages 5 and under) we need to reset several times each day. These ideas will come in so handy!

  39. I love these ideas. I am going to print them so I can refer to them quickly when needed. It really does take a village to raise children. Thank you.

  40. I love these ideas so much! I think we all need a “reset” every once in a while. This is one of those posts I read a long time ago and have come back over and over again when I need a refresher. I’ve featured this today on my Top 5 Parenting Posts of All Time post. It’s part of a new linky party just for parenting posts. I hope you come by and link up! http://www.dirtandboogers.com/2012/09/top-5-parenting-posts-and-new-party.html

  41. Great tips! I have two little ones and we have many days where a re-set is needed! I am printing this off and hanging it up so I can have it handy when I need it!

  42. Thanks for this post! I love that you give so many ways to reconnect with the kids after the inevitable frustration of a rough day. I came into this post thinking ‘How can I make the day get better?’ and left with ideas for jumping past that frustration and into some really fun, memorable moments with the little loves of my life.

  43. Some amazingly simple ideas. Apparently, I have zero imagination. Thank you for sharing yours! (Found this on Pinterest.)

  44. Thanks for these great ideas! I have just made a Word table to print out with one idea in each box, so I can make a little set of cards to pull out in case of emergency! ๐Ÿ™‚

  45. These are fun activities. BUT
    you seem to be constantly saying I, I , I … why not focus on “We” and give your kids a chance to “calls the shots” and be in charge during those mood reset sessions?

    1. Angelique, thanks for your comment. Great thought! I do have a post about my kids being creative when they need to refocus. I love when they do that! In this post Iโ€™m trying to help moms get a handle on a hard day and be the one giving directions. Thereโ€™s a time for both.

      Thanks again! Lisa~

  46. I used most of these suggestion yesterday as my middle child had a really bad day. He finally calmed down after I suggested drawing as pictures as he wanted to tell me what was going on with him.

  47. An old game we used to play was Church Mice. It works best with kids between 3 and 8 and it really, really gets everyone calm. To play, all the children (the mice) form a line behind the adult, and they have to crawl on their hands and knees like mice. The adult then walks around with the mice following, and has to turn around occasionally. When she(he) does, the mice all have to freeze. Any mouse that is moving has to sit out until the line comes back around to that spot again. Also, any mouse in line can squeak, and if the adult hears a squeak, she has to turn around. And, of course, the mice has to freeze. Depending on the size of the room or yard you are in, it can be over 10 minutes of fun and silly play. We used to play it in Church, hence the name Church Mice. It was our favorite game, and it can be played with a minimum of two mice.

  48. This article is wonderful! So many good ideas!! I’m so happy to have stumbled upon it!! Thank you for sharing!

  49. Really good ideas! (I just found you through StumbleUpon)

    When I was a preschool teacher, I bought some rolls of blank news print. On days that the kids were just acting really antsy, I’d move all the furniture back, rip off 3 or four big sheets of the newsprint, and then let the kids tear away. Afterwards, I’d get a white garbage bag and we’d pick up all the pieces and stuff the bag full. Draw a face on him and we had a new room decoration for the rest of the week!

  50. This was a wonderful post. I really enjoyed all of the suggestions. I see some things we already do, but several I’ve never thought of. Found it via stumbleupon. I think it’s my favorite post that it’s “stumbled” for me. It’s certainly the most applicable!

  51. Pretty great post. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and wished to mention that I’ve really loved browsing your blog posts.
    After all I will be subscribing on your feed and I am hoping you write once more very soon!

  52. Lisa, what can I say, this post was the perfect end to my day. After a winter spent inside with the kids, thank you MR. Polar Vortex, I feel like we are all a bit crankier. I love your voice, I love your ideas. Thank you for writing; you are a gift to the blogging community.

  53. I love your 20 ways to overcome the grunpies. I will use many of these this summer! My personal favorite is to turn the radio really loud for 60 seconds and everyone has to dance and shake their grumpies out. We have even made a song to sing when we are not somewhere with radios. I get a few odd looks when the three of us start dancing and shaking while singing in the grocery stores. But some days you just have to!

  54. This is a really good list to have on hand. Sometimes everyone’s a little to on edge to think of how to break it up. Stopping breathing and having a fun game or activity on hand is great. Thanks

  55. Do you have tips for older kids (mine are 12 & 15). My 12 yr old has bad days when the weather changes and is challenged by ADD (which we do not allow him to use as a crutch). Any tips are appreciated!

  56. Wonderful ideas! As a mother with an eight year old daughter with SPD who holds it together all day at school, these are life savers for the evening. I’ll even pass them along to her teacher to use with her and the class. As an elementary school teacher, I’ve noticed more and more kids needing these kinds of breaks, which I’ve started incorporating into our day. You have such great variety of large movement, energizing activities, and quiet calming activities.
    Hugs,
    Heather

Comments are closed.