I am going to make a confession now. It is a horrible thing to admit considering the fact that I travel around speaking on child training. But you know I am all about full disclosure, so here goes…..
Levi, at the ripe age of 3.83, is not yet potty trained. I am the worst potty trainer in America today. I am sure Octomom has all eight of her two-year-olds trained already while I sit here blogging and wondering where I can buy size 11 diapers.
Honestly, I blame the kids. All of the books tell the signs of readiness, “When they are dry at night,” “Has dry periods of time lasting several hours,” “Shows discomfort when wet.” My children have never had any of these signs. Not one of them has ever been dry at night. In fact, I feel that I can say with confidence that a few of them would be completely content to still be wearing a diaper.
The other signs of readiness are “Can follow simple instructions,” “Can communicate using simple words.” Simple communication? We passed simple communication two years ago. This is what I said to Levi a few minutes ago:
“Hey Levi….go get the scissors and take them to Grace, ask her to cut off the tag on the back of your shirt then bring it to me.”
To which he replied:
“Should I get the orange scissors or the red scissors from the kitchen?”
In my defense, it never says, “able to handle the kitchen scissors” in the readiness booklet. It does say he should be able to pull his pants up and down, a feat he still has yet to accomplish. Coordination is not a trait we passed down to our children. Why you ask? Because James and I together have less coordination than a newborn colt.
I’ve decided to give myself the gift of potty training for Mother’s Day. I am ready to get this show on the road. I’ve been gathering supplies….little underwear (is there anything cuter?), potty books, candy treats and fruit juice and the most important tool, a tiny toilet that goes everywhere with us.
I know it sounds crazy since I have successfully potty trained 8 other children (well, one of them hasn’t been a complete success), but I would love any tips, tricks or advice you have for me.