If you don’t know me in real life, you don’t know the real joy it is to be around me. So I thought I’d give you an inside look into some things that have happened over the past few days:
1. At the conference this past weekend, I was casually chatting with Tim Lambert. The man is an icon, a genius, to be admired. Earlier that day he had spotted a mutual friend that he hadn’t seen in a while and he commented on how gray the friend’s hair had gotten.
Mr. Lambert: He’s almost completely gray
Me: Oh yes, he has really changed in his looks.
Mr. Lambert: (pointing to his own head) Well, I’m all gray myself.
Me: Yes, but you are a LOT olderrrrrr……….(freeze)
Tim Lambert gives me a fatherly, corrective look.
(Why, Lisa, why?!?! Why do you not edit yourself before you speak?!?!?)
2. I am on a hunt for old trophies (more on that later). I have scoured the thrift stores and not found a single one, so I decided to go to a trophy store and ask if there were any old trophies I could have. I found a store in the phone book, Carls’ Trophies, so I went there. I opened the front door of the little storefront and heard the jingling bell, looked around and saw hundreds of taxidermied animals. On the walls, on the floors, on the counters, everywhere. I scanned the place looking for the trophies. A man (not the cleanest guy I’ve ever seen) comes in wiping his hands on his pants.
Dirty man: Can I help you ma’am?
Me: Um, I’m looking for trophies.
You have to picture me in my maxi dress and wedge heels, a darling necklace and cutie pie haircut amidst all of these creatures that are staring right at me. Dirty man looks at me for a second then he grunts a little laughing snort, “Lady, I think you are in the wrong place.”
The light starts to dimly go on in my mind. Oh, TROPHIES.
I turned around and left.
Yesterday’s blunder was the best. This one will make you wish you could spend every waking moment with me…..
3. I was coming out of Bed, Bath & Beyond pushing a cart to my car. I had to use the cart because I bought a HUGE mirror that I don’t need from their clearance section. The mirror was causing a bit of sun to glare in my eyes and I started across the busy parking lot without really noticing the two cars coming until I heard them screech a little to stop from hitting me. As they waited for me to cross (now at least five cars have quickly accumulated in the busy parking lot) I felt something weird happening and before another second passed, my skirt had completely fall OFF! It just slipped down and was around my feet. Spanx, meet the 14 people staring at you.
For just a teeny fraction of a second I had the thought that maybe no one noticed. Then I started laughing, completely cracking up. I quickly untangled my skirt from around my feet, scooped it up and took off running to my car laughing so hard I almost lost the cart. One lady rolled down her window to ask if I was OK. I am sure she wondered if there was a home she should call to let them know I had escaped.
I was laughing so hard I just kept saying, “My skirt fell off,” over and over. She drove away. I don’t blame her. If only I could have left as easily. But there was still the matter of putting my skirt back on in the parking lot of Bed, Bath & Beyond. I slipped into my skirt and slid behind the steering wheel still laughing hysterically. I’m not sure if it was shock or just that I really needed a good laugh.
I am sure I will be seeing some security camera footage of that on the internet very soon.
Now you know the real truth. I am a clumsy dingbat. If you don’t ever want to hang out with me, I’ll understand.
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
More endearing than ever! You are adorable!
I Live in an Antbed´s last [type] ..The Gratitude List- May 23- 2011
::snort:: ::chuckle:: You have all the fun when I’m NOT with you! ;-P Still love you….and love being around you.
Lisa
I’m crying!! That is hilarious! Was anyone with you??…to share in the moment?
Autumn Beck´s last [type] ..The Best Flat Cloth Diapers Plus a Little Challenge
Oh my goodness! That is hilarious. I definitely must have needed a good laugh, because I sure had one! My family all looked at me like someone should be carting *me* off
Thanks for telling…. !!
Homeschool on the Croft´s last [type] ..Harris Tweed Song
Oh my word! This is one of the funniest posts I have ever read! I was laughing my head off the entire time I was reading it! What a joy this was to read!
Laughing so hard it set off a cough jag again and made my eyes water!! OH thank you!!! I really needed that! YOu are so funny! I would love to meet you in real life one day because, well, most of my relatives not only think I am odd but know it! And no I don’t think you are some sort of nut case!!
Are you still looking for trophies? I might have some… we still have some boxes to unpack plus the boys have been clearing out some old stuff. We had football trophies and marshal arts trophies. I can look for you if you would like!
Peggy´s last [type] ..The Saga continues edited with photos
Thanks for another great laugh! The skirt story is too funny!
Beth´s last [type] ..Joy is a Choice
Oh my, I have tears in my eyes I am laughing so hard! I love it…you are hilarious!
~Julia
Julia´s last [type] ..Whole Wheat Apple Muffins
THIS is why I love to read your blog- and to hear your funny stories! You can make me laugh like no one else! I haven’t even gotten to hang around you yet! How on earth have you raised so many children without any more calamities happening? Ha, ha….such a blessing you are!
Becky B.
http://www.organizingmadefun.com
Organizing Made Fun
Becky@OrganizingMadeFun´s last [type] ..Great article- 12 Secrets of the Closet Pros
L is for the way you LET it all hang out
O is for the way you compliment OLDER men
V is VERY very extra-coordinated
E is EVEN more than I care to spell any other characteristic you possess… and we adore.
SOMEbunny hand this woman a trophy!
Kelley´s last [type] ..357 My Coach Swingpack
To bad your kids were not with you, hahahaha. I teach a whole lesson on why you need to wear something under you skirts to my classes, next year I think I will let the girls read this story and you can teach it for me. Thank you God for that sweet girl who invented Spanx, she has saved so many of us from ourselves.
Cha Cha
Cha Cha´s last [type] ..Sentimental Sunday 23- My Girls Making Biscuits With My Grandmother
Who would not want to hang out with you? You’re spontaneous entertainment, creative talent, wit & wisdom all in one delightful package!
It takes a lot for me to laugh (or at least chortle) out loud, but you accomplished it with the Skirt Story! Oh my goodness.
Wanna go get a coffee?
Debbie Mantik
Debbie Mantik
Oh Lisa that is the funniest story, I love how you are brave enough to share it with the world, I think I would have been hiding away in embarrassment for the rest of my life if that happened to me!
Deanne´s last [type] ..vch birthday treat
There are no words. Mostly because I can’t breathe…
That’s the best workout I’ve had in a looong time!
Sara K´s last [type] ..Master Bath Make-over Reveal
Knowing you, you probably had some amazing, home-made under skirt or slip on, completely decorated with antique lace from the 1900′s, spun by your granny, preserved for all these years, just for this occasion. The only thing I could add to this is the laughing and running at the same time would’ve caused a little, ahem, bladder leakage on my part. Good control for you!
I started reading this blog entry after Tim had gone to bed, and I had to leave the room so my laughing wouldn’t disturb him. But that didn’t keep me from reading it to him this morning! We got a good laugh out of it together! And never fear, he’s had a lot worse things said about him!!
Thanks for sharing! I think the purest form of humor is when you can laugh at yourself (one reason Bob Hope was so great). Besides, it gave the rest of us a chance to have a great laugh, which is of course good medicine!
Blessings to you and yours!
You are too funny!
If you are willing to pay shipping, I have a whole container of trophies that are yours!! (And these were not living at one point
That is uproariously funny. Great that you can laugh at yourself – that’s one reason we all love you so much!
I have some old tae kwon do trophies if they’ll work for you; let me know. (Don’t know what you have in mind, but have some medals too if you want.)
TLynn´s last [type] ..Summer Songs
Oh my – I laughed so hard! So incredibly relatable…
Debbie´s last [type] ..Preparing to Move
Oh. My. Goodness. I just finished sewing my first-ever skirt. It only has an elastic waist band because I’m not bright enough for zippers yet. Anyway, I will go and check right now that I put that waist in properly!
Love your stories!
Michele´s last [type] ..Lazy Days Skirt My First Attempt at Fashion!
Hi, I’m a new visitor to your blog, and I have to tell you that I nearly split a seam reading this post. Glad to know I’m not the only one who puts her foot in her mouth, and does embarassing things in public. Don’t think I’ve ever had my skirt fall down tho.
Thanks for the good laugh!!
Oh. My. Word. I’m rolling in tears with this one. I love that you are as graceful as I am. I once broke my foot while walking. Yep. Just walking. No heels. No hopping, skipping, spinning, or pirouetting. My sister has a similar story to yours, though. And it was all my mom’s fault.
My mom and sister were at a car lot that’s on a hill (my sister was a teenager at the time). There was a big wall to step down and when my sister stepped down, her very full skirt was still partially on the upper portion of the wall. Mom didn’t notice, so she stepped on it, and it being elastic-waisted and all, stayed up on top of the wall while my sister continued to walk. In the presence of salesmen and potential car buyers. So my mom de-skirted my poor sister. It’s probably good I wasn’t there. I’d have been lying on the pavement in hysterical tears. She would’ve been mad at me, I think.
Bahhhh hahhhhh haahhhhhh now that skirt was classically cool! My most retold and embarrassing story involved vomiting, running and smashing!!! The victim was a metre high vase as I slipped in my own vomit as it leaked out of my handy “bowl” ….well actually it was my t’shirt in desperation I just threw up into it hoping my boobs and tee would contain the gelatinous mass thus saving my carpet WRONG!!!! It simply flooded out the bottom of the tee, Once reaching floorboards (see I did sort of save the carpet) I did a spectacular skid/side slide that no doubt you American baseball fans would have been proud to see an Aussie perform I smashed my gorgeous metre high vase into I might add a million pieces!! But it makes me roar everytime I think of it or tell it!!!!! Thank God it was my nearest and dearest who witnessed this fine event….although they LOVE retelling it!
Thanks for the laugh……ahhhhhhhhhhhh good medicine!
Cath
Cathy´s last [type] ..On Capacity to Love
You and I are pretty alike, lol. That’s too cute.
Well, I have never wondered what it’s like to be you, because this is my first visit to your blog. Won’t be my last, though. You’re a hoot! (And I still don’t wonder what it’s like to be you, because…well, I have some stories, too. It’s a wonder people will even talk to me around here. Completely. Silly.)
Cindy´s last [type] ..See Ya Next Week!
Just came across your blog via smockityfrocks.com Oh my gosh! Hilarious! Sounds like something that might happen to me! thanks for a good laugh today!
My stars and garters! What a hoot! I’ve had my slip fall off, but never my skirt! I desperately need to take in all of my skirts because they are too big and I’ve (former professional seamstress) been putting it off! Thanks to your cautionary tale, I’ll be at the sewing machine TONIGHT taking those babies in an inch or two!
Heather´s last [type] ..AWANA Grand Prix 2012
Oh my goodness, you are not alone! I laughed so hard when I got to number three. That’s pretty fantastic and not unlike myself. I had to come over to see what Smockity was talking about on facebook and am so glad I did. What a great laugh, thank you for being unabashedly real
Lindsey´s last [type] ..Plentils: An Enjoy Life Review
Oh. My. Word. I just laughed so hard reading this! To be honest, I had never heard of you until I found this link on Facebook, but I have to believe that we are twins who were separated at birth! I am going to MAKE my husband read this so he knows there is at least one more person in the world like me! LOL! Thank you so much for the much-needed laugh!
Jessica´s last [type] ..How We Homeschool
Love it! The first holiday visting my husbands family in there hometown I went to town by myself and on the way home saw a vintage painted sign that said Cobbler shop and thought wow they must have been in business for a long time and good at what they do a couple of cobblers would sure be impressive but how shocked was I to walk in and find shoes, oh Cobbler duh lol.
Oh goodness…I just stumbled on to this story and am laughing so hard I’m crying!! Oh, I just love you!
ritajoy@harbour breeze´s last [type] ..My {Miraculous} Dream Come True…
This is awesome. I totally want to hang out with you! I’d feel right at home!
Jess B´s last [type] ..Hold on…
Oh. My. Goodness. I started on your latest Spanx blog post (the seafood restuarant), and ended up over here….so, so funny! Thank you for sharing your utterly embarrassing moments with the rest of us. =)
And the trophies…..can’t stop laughing!
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